Some odd photos!

 

This photo was "made" by my husband, when he thought that I was an aaaaaaaaaangel to him...(later, though he changed his opinion slightly, into "devil", I saved the angelic photo!)

 

 

This photo was taken especially for my mom to make her believe that I "CAN" survive in the kitchen. Note: She still thinks, this picture is a fake!!

An astrologer’s prediction on me!

There is a practice among Keralite Hindus to write the “jaathakam” (horoscope)  of a child, as soon as its born. When I was born, my dad tried to do the same. But the astrologer told him that this girl might wont live after 12 yrs. (that was a bit nasty info, na?) . He told my dad “ If she is alive after her 12 th birthday, then, come to me, I will write her “jaathakam” then”. Now I wonder whether that was a nice thing to say to the father of a newborn child??? I don’t know. Anyway the result was this, even at this 28 th age, my “jaathakam” remains unwritten. My father is strictly against it being written. Yesterday I heard amma asking him, “Can we write her “jaathakam”, at least now?” But he said “No, never”. If you ask me, I also support him, whole-heartedly!

 

That astrologer told one more thing that I had born with bad luck to my dad. And that, till 12 yrs, I may have to spend most of the time in hospitals. I think that made dad a little paranoid. So every Sunday we had to go to our nearby Devi Temple, and do “poojas” against the ill-luck that I had brought with me to my dad(???). I don’t know how far its true, cos as far as I can remember, there wasn’t any ill-luck to my dad, after my birth.

 

But there was one true phase in this, entire “jathakam” thing. Till 12 yrs of age, I spent most of my time (and so, my dad’s time) in different hospitals. Till I was 6, I had a very allergic stomach, which rejected milk in any forms, and made me friends with IV tubes! When I was 6 , I used  to have very wet and loud hollow coughs, which made my dad take me to Tuberculosis Center. I remember my mom, praying hard, just before she was going to get the reports. Any way, I came clean, out of those reports.

 

Next thing that happened was when I was 8. I suddenly began to have severe and frequent attacks of Asthma. My mom and my achachan (mom’s dad) had Asthma. But only I had this, in the third generation. As Inhalers weren’t very common then (1980’s), asthma attacks made me think, I was going to die. I would say it’s the worst disease cos it causes suffocation to the patient as well as the onlookers. Then I realized uninterrupted breathing was a privilege. Again I was taken to hospital.  This time doc told me, I had to take an injection every alternate day for 3 months continuously. And do u know, how much I feared a syringe!!! (I was 8yrs then!)

 

I loved to play in the sun, swinging in coconut leaves, like Tarzan. As I couldn’t reach to get hold of the tip of coconut leaves from ground, I would put a stool, and then climb on it, get hold of the coconut leaf and then “whooooosh”---I would be on the other end!! WOW that was a great feeling!!!! It mad me really feel like “Tarzan”. And this would go on repeating! I would have done this, even now, if I could find a coconut leaf that can withstand my current body weight! LOL. I was strictly prevented from doing this, cos during those “Tarzan nights” I will have severe attacks of Asthma. But will an 8 yr old care? I still did my swinging, hiding away from mom…

 

But this alternate injection news made me seriously think about running away from home or to kill my doctor, at least. (Still I didn’t know how, to do that! LOL). My dad bribed me with comics, chocolates, (but, ice-cream was against Asthma!) on each single trip to Hospital. If Monday they pierced my left arm, on Wednesday they did it on my right arm, on Saturday it was my left arm again… after one month, the pain on my both arms became permanent. Soon my right arm began to swell. At first mom thot it was because of constant injection. But swelling increased so much and soon, I was back in my second home  (Hospital, of course). Now I remember that day well, cos the doctor asked me and mom to go out, and told something to dad. Later dad came out and told something to mom, and she began to cry…I was busy watching the goldfish tank there!

Later I heard mom telling achachan that during my continuous injection series, once the injection, which was supposed to be had on muscle, was given to a vein, which made the vein infected, and which would have paralyzed my right hand. (a nurse’s fault!). I thot..WOW now that make me stop going thru this hell again (thanks to that nurse!). But soon a date was fixed for my operation and those docs tore open my swelled arm…?(how I hate them!!). After being discharged from hospital, I didn’t go to school for 1 month and my mom used to copy notes for me and read it to me…

Later my injections continued (this time, from another hospital). Some how Asthma never came back (till now) after that grueling 3 mths of alternate injection days…

Mysteriously I became perfectly healthy, after 13 yrs…I gained weight and none of my allergic stomach, old coughs, asthma, came again!  Sometimes I think that the astrologer was right…may be that is why my father still wont go to astrologers…he says “Sometimes ignorance about future, makes present peaceful”.

 

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Black OR White?

One of very early memories of mine includes the day when I asked my mom seriously "Would you have loved me in the same way, if I was born with darker color ?". I don't remember exactly what provoked me to ask amma this question. I was 5 yrs old, and was a very dark-colored, girl (though the skin color lightened a little bit, when I grew up!). On summer vacation (April-May) I used to live with my numerous cousins in my dad's house. Some how, there, grown-ups used to compare each and every kid, on the basis of skin-color & smartness. It was very frequent for them to say "swathi, is the darkest among all..I don't know how she got this color". With mom, I didn't have this comparison, cos I didn't have any siblings at all.

 

I had seven  cousins with me at that time, aging from 3 to 6. So I had this odd feeling creeping into my mind that I was the ugliest among them, cos of my color. Nobody told me that I was ugly. They just told me "Even if swathi is the darkest of all, she is smart". This "...even if..." phrase used to cling on to my mind and one day I asked amma the above question. She was shocked. She told me "who told you this?" and I said..."...I just asked..that's all..". Then she gave me a lecture about the relation between mom and kids....I asked her "Suppose I was the color of , my hair(black), even then would you have loved me in the same manner?" She said  a malayalam saying in answer  which meant "even for a crow, its kid is the best one". And I was sure that I looked better than a crow!!

 

Now, I remembered about this incident cos, today I saw my cousin's 2 kids...2 daughters. Elder is 3 yr old and younger is 1 yr...elder was very dark in color (just my color, when I was of her age!) and the younger was a very fair and chubby baby. It shocked me that all my relatives who saw them together , was taken aback at their sight. They couldn't resist passing comments  like "Ohhh....elder didn't get young ones' color...how can they be so different????". I noticed, this elder kid (3 yr old) gaping at the commentator's mouth with so much puzzle in her eyes, that my heart went out for her. I asked my aunt to stop saying that, cos I knew this was going to affect her....but when I stopped one aunt from commenting, another one would have been started like...."...still....why didn't she get that fair color of younger one.....". And this kid was hearing all these comments.....

 

I suddenly told her "Baby, u r the smartest...u know that?...u go to kindergarten... U have so many friends..u know so many games....u must teach your younger sister, all that u learn from school cos she doesn't know anything about school, now " I said this to encourage her spirits. And she said..."NO, I wont teach her anything. Let her study on her own". I know her baby mind was hurt cos of the shower of comparisons she got for her skin-color. I don't know why these grown-ups forget this......

 

This incident will sound like an odd  thing to non-Indians. But as we all Indians know, in Indian society , being fair-colored is a privileged situation. They r treated with adoration, at the first meeting, itself. And sometimes I have even felt that , they can even get away with anything !!!!. Even in marriage markets (yes, marriage is a kind of market in India ! ) preference is given ONLY to fair colored girls. One of my cousin's(guy) parents , once refused to agree for a marriage(arranged), just cos the girl was a bit dark in color. They even told her parents that "your girl is dark". When I heard this incident, I was shocked. She was highly educated and had a good career. She was the team-lead in her office. They didn't give that qualities of her a damn...

 

I am puzzled about this behavior of ppl. When I asked my friends and cousins why do u always give skin color, so much importance, they answered me this " I want my baby, to be very fair, so I will marry only a fair girl". I asked then "What if, the baby is dark. Will u hate him/her". And they say "I wont hate. But I still prefer fair babies only". It makes me crazy....no one wishes for a baby who is NOT handicapped, NOT mentally-retarded or anything like that. They are more worried about its skin-color...can u believe????? I want to scream to the world, that this is not fair....but ppl are soooooo mean....even with babies...?????

 

I usually ask expecting moms'  to pray for a healthy, physically and mentally normal baby....but they are all so worried about babies skin color that they eat saffron-in-milk( its a belief ), to have a fair baby...

 

This is India....and this is the typical Indian society...where fair color signifies something more privileged than the usual !!!

I am so worried about the discrimination that a dark skinned baby, may face, when she grows up!!!

 

NOTE: This discrimination seems to be directed only towards all the girl-children in India.

 

 

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