There is a first time for....

So, what is the big deal? It will be just like your first day in school. You don’t have to worry. You will be fine.

But what if I couldn’t learn it like others. What if the instructor asks me to quit and go home? What if I can never learn it in my life? What if I fail?

But you learned driving and cycling. This will be just like that. You just keep calm.

Ok. I am keeping my calm. O God! Please help me conquer this fear. This is very important for me, please help me learn it. I am desperate to learn this.

Remember, keep your calm. Breathe.. ok. Breathe. Hooooooo…..

I am not scared. There is nothing to worry. Everything will be fine.

Jacuzzi relaxes me. Gushing hot water massages every tired joint in my body. Wow! I think I will sleep in the Jacuzzi. Its 7:55 pm. Only 5 more minutes. Will I be the only person who doesn’t know anything? Will there be others like me who are totally scared?

Ok, instructor came. No, I don’t want to get out of Jacuzzi. I don’t want to go to the pool. I don’t want to drown myself. But then how will I overcome this fear? I have to do this.

I walk out of Jacuzzi, shower and go to him.

“Are you the one going to take swimming class?”

“Yes.”

“But, I am so scared of water. I am absolutely terrified”

“Don’t worry, you will be fine”

“Will I be?”

“Yes. Trust me”. He smiles. He is handsome.

God, first I need to learn to trust this “Handsome Hal”. I can’t even trust him.

Learn to trust him, Swathi. Learn to trust him. Your life is in his hands for one hour.

“Do, you want to hop into the water or do you want to walk through the steps”

Hop into the pool? No way!! Thanks, I will walk.

Water is really cold. It is 2 deg C outside. Usually the water is much more warm. I am shivering. I just have to get used to the temperature of water. Breathe… swathi.. breathe…take long breaths.

We all have this blue floating-aids. Its just a small square piece of sponge. That’s all. Will that really hold my weight?

“Now, among you guys, who are all absolutely scared of water?”

My hand shoots up. May be he will give me a life jacket, now. (!)

No. He didn’t. ‘Handsome Hal’(aka HH) just smiles. Why is he smiling always, when I am terrified?

“Now, the first lesson - be comfortable in putting your face under water. Open your eyes while doing that”

What! Putting my face under water? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I can’t do it. I will die.

HH, asks everybody to do it. Everybody is doing it fine. HH is looking at me.

“Now you, Swathi”. I cant. I will die, if I do it.

“It will be fine. Trust me Swathi”

Trust you? How I can I trust you. I don’t even know you.

“Now, try it, Swathi”

Blank your mind. Let it go. Even if you die, HH will be arrested. It will be his entire fault.

There is nothing in my mind for one second. I take my breath, put my face down, inside the water and push myself into it. No. No. This is not what I expected it to be. I am drowning. Where is he? I grab HH’s arm, as hard as I could. I lose my balance and can’t feel my feet on the floor, anymore. I am hanging on to him. I cant breathe. I gasp harder and grab on to him, more. My life depends on him now. He is dear to me than anything else in the world at that moment(!). I open my mouth for breath and drink pool water instead of air. Water goes inside my mouth, nose and my ears go pop, as they fill with water. Great! Now I cant even hear what he is telling me to do. I am going to die.

“Its OK. You can hold on to me. I am here for you, swathi. I am here”

Seconds pass. I cant breathe. I cough and gasp hard.

“I wont leave you. You can hold on to me”

No, still I cant breathe. I gasp harder. The entire pool is echoing with my gasp.

“Its ok. Take it slowly. Slowly. Don’t be nervous, You can hold on to me. I am not leaving you”

Great! I am creating a big drama here. Every body is looking at me. I am kicking and gasping while holding on to him.

“Are you ok?”

What do you think? Can’t you see? Didn’t I tell you, that I would die.

After one minute or so, I can breathe again. I leave my hold on him.

Came back sheepishly to poolside. As expected, made a big fool of myself. Great! Now everyone knows that I am truly a big loser in swimming .

Next it is trying to float. I copy HH when he shows me how to float. Surprisingly I am floating effortlessly with my face under water. How can it be? Last time I was gasping for air. I come back to the lady near me and ask her “How did I float? Did he hold me?” She smiles. “Yes, he held you. But its OK, you did well”. Yea, I did well(!). Along with floating aid, if ‘Handsome Hal’ holds me, I can float anyway. God! Will I ever do this thing myself?

Next it is pushing in to the water and kicking. No, I can’t kick inside water. I am going down. I am kicking vertically where I have to kick horizontally. But I am not going horizontally at all. Again, HH comes to help. He holds my floating aid and guides me.

“Excellent. See it’s not as bad as it seems to be”

I know I am pathetic. Don’t try to make me feel good. Without holding on to you, I can’t even float!

The lady near me says, ”You are doing great! By the end of six classes you will be swimming”

I ask her “How do you do the pushing into water, so elegantly, not even without a splash!”

“Don’t compare with me. I already know swimming. I joined the class to swim properly” she winks!

Great! Now, I know why I am kicking and gasping and holding on to ‘Handsome Hal’ for dear life, while all others are so smooth!

Now HH wants to throw the floating aid away and go into water. OK
, This time, I really am going to die. He says, “Trust me. I will hold you”. I try. But, I go down. He makes me try again. He is asking me to look into his knees to have my chin position correct. I am frantically searching for his knees underwater. Where are his goddamn knees! Using one of my legs, I push the wall and use that force to move half way through water. In that force, I push HH away who was ready to hold me and he gets hit hard by me.

“whoooooaaa!” I can hear him, yell. I knocked him down!

Great! There is a saying in Malayalam * “onnukil aasaante nechanthu, allengil kalarikku purathu”. I think that saying is written clearly for me. If I am not drowning and gasping, I will be knocking down my instructor!

Some how, one hour is over. Finally I can breathe air instead of water now. HH says, “Practice with floating aids, till next Monday. Be in the pool as long as you can. You were all excellent”. Yea, if I wasn’t there, everyone was excellent!

NOTE: If any body has kids who haven’t learnt swimming yet, please, please, I beg you to teach them. If not, as an adult, they are prone to make a big fool of themselves by trying to learn.

* Its about the martial art , Kalari. The literal meaning is [as a worst student of Kalari ] you will perform Kalari either on your teacher’s chest, or outside the place where it is supposed to be done”. (I am not very good in translation. so, please bear with me)

Latest update: I went for aqua aerobics(yes, the same old one!), yesterday . HH was the instructor for that too. Susannah told me that she and HH were discussing about me all the while before I came. I didn't dare to ask her what they discussed. (can imagine!). When I saw the raised eyebrows of HH, I told him why I was terrified of water ( a very frightening experience in a 6 ft deep pool, 5-6 yrs back, in India). He told me "You were the only true beginner, in yesterday's class. Rest of the guys knew swimming"... Phewww!




Hubby's comment(he came yesterday): When I started learning swimming, I drank so much of water that my friends had to make me lie on my stomach and squeeze all the water out. And it happened a lot of times. You are much better Swathi, that you didn't stoop into that level.

***Now, I know why I love this man. He has a knack of making me feel better out of any embarrassing situation***




My conclusion: I am not that bad. I really AM not!