Having direction-o-phobia !

I hate the evenings when I have to drive two rounds from office to home and back. It happens on evenings when my hardworking-senior-designer-soul-mate tries to prove himself again! [his manager had warned me NOT to allow him to work like this… but who am I to control the inevitable?]

On those evenings, my schedule will be like this.

 

Part1
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6 pm---drive home, alone, with a pissed off mind and a lonely heart. *sob..sob* after all work is more important to him, than me *sobs harder*

 6:20 pm – reach home [if ur lucky with traffic]

 6:21 to 6:25 – arguing with myself , whether to skip gym or not

 6:26-- finally decide to go to gym, when the 35 € subscription fee flashes in mind’s screen in BOLD letters!

 6:27 – changing to sweatpants [and cursing myself]

 6:30—locks home and gets into car

 6:35 --- reaches gym

 â€¦till 7:30 --- punish myself for wasting 35 € as monthly and 100 € as initial joining fees.  *grunting while lifting weights*

 â€œswathi… this is what you get for wasting money, u ***hole”.

*grunting again while putting ‘em down*

 
7:32--- *tries to find car in the open car park* as now a days sun sets early, it will be pitch dark outside.

 7:40---reaches home.

 7:41 to 8:30---- in kitchen preparing dinner. * ”asianet” blasting on back ground*

 8:30---*thinking* some body is missing in this house.. oh! I forgot my soul-mate tiring out in office!!!

 

This happened yesterday, and when I took the car out at 8:40 pm, it was raining, stormy and foggy.

Got into the dual-carriageway [almost like India’s NH, but with no street-lights, no residential areas, and 2 lanes [for one-way] which are as broad as small play grounds]. The exits almost looked similar, except for the writing on sign boards. Storm and fog and my migraine made my visibility almost null. I wanted to go thru Cavan exit in N55. I passed exit to Coosan, and another to TownCentre. And soon I saw another green board toward left. I took the left exit and reached the main road. And…..

…..…..what did I see??????????

 

I LOST MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

After driving (at 80 kmph) for 5 mts, I realised that I took the wrong exit and now I am in BallyMahon!!!! GREAT! Time is 9 pm. Road is empty as the weather is very bad. I pulled up towards a small driveway. Switched off the car (with lights on) and took some deep breaths… *hooo…hooo…hooo…calm down* (repeated 10 times). I have a car with half tank petrol, and a cell phone, and no money!. Not bad!! Can’t go back the way I came cos, dual carriageways are strictly for one way, only . And the speed limit in dual carriageway is 120kmph, which means if I go back that way, some big trailer at 120kmph is going to bang into me. *shuddering at that thot*

 

I called my hubby. Dear, I am lost. Now in BallyMahon. Took the wrong exit from N55. Even he don’t know where it is. GREAT! Time is 9:20pm. Weather is getting stormier and foggier! What a night to get lost!!!!

 

Decided to find next exit backwards. Went straight. Saw a roundabout. Took right. Got into a residential area. Saw CAVAN board, but cant take chances. Came back again. Called my hubby. He said “don’t panic. U have a car with petrol.” I said “But the climate is turning worse. I cant see a thing now!” he told “Follow “town centre” boards. Get there and come back”. I felt better, now . I know town centre very well. With my meagre visibility I followed towncentre boards and reached our office within 45 mts.  There I saw my best-half waiting for me outside the doors, in that worst climate, rubbing his cold frozen hands together. 

10 pm: Inside the car, I heard him say “you are NOT going to drive after 7pm anymore….thats it!!!”

…..Yippeee…..that means he won’t be working late???????????

Pssstt, I don’t trust him. He may hire a cab, next time! LOL!

 

Part-2
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 The next day….

This time too he wanted to work till late night. Guess what did he do? Asked me to drive till office when there was still twilight (7pm). And asked me to wait for him at office till 10 pm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  tell me, what should I do, with a soul-mate like this?

 

Note: that’s the pic of dual carriageways in Britain and Ireland.

Name Calling!

In Y360, i like the following "name calling"....

i like... sneha calling Shail "Mrs Mohan."

i like....jo calling sneha "snegi" (its sooooooo sweet!)

i like.... cheeeze calling arfana, "burfee"

i like.... jyothi being called "Jodi" , and I think about jodi, in "Jodi kamaal ki"

i like ....Sowmi being called "chowmi"

i like....cheeezzze, sankaran calling me swats.

i like....me calling cheesy, cheeeezzze with a 'zzzz'.

i like(d)....when Brenny first called sneha "sneh white" and then "Snooz White".

i like(d)... Aswathy being called "achudi" by us, when we were kids.

i like(d) ....me calling madhu, madhoooo

...any other cute "name-calling" that i missed out here????

When it rains, It NEVER pours, here!

For the past 2 days whichever blog I went, I saw only one sentence “when it rains, it pours”. I read so many versions of “when it rains..” . After reading so many versions of “rain fest”, it was natural that “opening/closing” sentence stuck to my mind. So today when I saw it raining in the morning, I wondered “when it rains, it DOESN’T pour, at least in here”

 

When I was in India, I loved rain. Indian monsoons, esp at the beginning of new school-year [mostly on June 1 or 2] always came with a mixture of joy and sadness. The joy and excitement of being in a new upper class in school and the sadness of saying good bye to the 2 month long vacation. And the pure white socks were always brown at the end of the day. And the new black leather shoes always stank with them. Jumping into puddles of mud was what rain all about, for me.

 

During teens, rains gave me an air of romance. It came with an atmosphere of nostalgia, the lost love, and the wetness all over, which gave me bundles of joy. When the plantain leaves glistened with the dampness, it appeared greener and brighter. I used to look out thru the window, with extended hands to touch and feel rain.

 

But things changed when I started seeing rains in Ireland. Here it never “poured”. Irrespective of seasons, almost every hour at an interval of 5 minutes, it “drizzled” along with extreme cold breeze. I hated this irritating rain. The cold wind had destroyed almost  3 big umbrellas and 2 smaller ones, on the day we bought. Ironically Irish never cared this rain. They didn’t bother to carry umbrellas. And now I also practiced myself to walk as though its not raining! Here rain regulates the temperature. When its extremely cold, and after a medium drizzle, you can feel the temperature bearable. [I don’t know the science behind that!].

 

Also I have never seen thunder and lightening here. The only sound I hear along with rain is the whoosh of wind. No thunder, no lightening. Do they only accompany Indian monsoons?? How I miss them. How I miss the expectation of hearing the heart shuddering sound, after a very flashy lightening at night! 

When it rains, it never pours… and I don’t like it at all.

This may happen to you too (no kidding!)

Weekends are what I wait for , starting from every single Monday… but usually when they come, we both[we have shared our house hold jobs between us!] will be loaded with cleaning, bulk /special cooking for the coming week. But still I long for weekends, when I can sleep, without worrying about alarm clock running towards 9am. [Ironically I sleep less on weekend mornings!].

 

Yesterday while my hubby was busy vacuuming [cos of my everyday-sore-back!] I was just passing the study room, and glanced thru the glass window, when I stood paralysed at the sight!….

 

My first reaction was “oh! Why did they choose Ireland to land? And especially our back yard?” For a split second all the films that I have seen about alien invasion from ET to “Koi mil gaya”,  passed through my mind. Whom should I contact? What should I do… in fact within 5 secs I have thot about my parents in India and wished I would have remained there in India. I stood there rooted, till those enormous things slowly floated to my window . They were sooo huge that one even blocked my entire vision.  Soon I saw a number of them, floating towards me. I counted. There were 12 of them…. Of different colors. I squinted myself to see, if there were any living beings inside. And when one flied over my head, I saw two living beings, inside, and I screamed for my hubby….

 

 

This is what I saw…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Today I found in the newspaper that it was 36th Irish Hot Air Balloon Championships  !!! its from 25 Sep to 29 Sep. So I guess I am yet to see more of them!

...those faceless friends!

Jeevan ke safar mein rahi,

Milte hain bhichar jaane ko,

Aur de jaate hain yaadein,

Tanhaayi mein tadpaane ko...

 

I happened to hear this song after so many years, today, in here. They have this wonderful online stream going on. I loved it.

 

A rough translation for those lines ,(by me) goes like this:

On this journey called life,

we meet so many to get separated,

who give us memories,

which pain us on solitude!

 

Hope those “Hindi wale” wont kill me for this translation! This is pure mallu translation guys, forgive me!

 

Ok, so what I was telling was that these lines touched my heart so much.[it sure touches anyone, who loves kishore’s voice and have a nostalgic heart!]

 

I was in hostel for nearly 10 years and had almost close relationship with more than 100 girls from different backgrounds. With some, I shared a very special bond, but I never hated any of them. Some were just with me for 2 weeks and some stayed with me for 4 years. I was always nervous when I heard that I was going to have new room mates. But by Gods grace every single room mate of mine adjusted with me sooo well (or may be I also adjusted with them a lot!).

 

I remember the first day I was put into hostel for the first time. I cried my heart out (really felt like going to KG class when I was a 3yr old.. so much insecurity…oooh ). But the funny part was that my mom cried more than me. Finally my dad had to stay in some hotel near by my hostel , cos of my mom (LOL!).

 

As years went by, I felt really comfortable  with my hostel life. During my second hostel stay, I had a face-to-face encounter with a snake inside my wardrobe. [that nearly gave me a heart attack!]. I had another experience, when I found one of my mates whom I had dinner together the previous nite, committed suicide the next morning. It still is one of the most shocking incidents in my life. I have witnessed eloping, betrayals, secret love-affairs and what not. I don’t even remember the faces of the characters involved in those incidents.

 

I have spent numerous nights in hospitals when my room mates get sick. One day one of my roommate got shivering cos of an allergy and she hugged me tight, in her fright. Soon both of us started shivering like dolls. Now it sounds funny. But it scared us to hell, then.

Some times I get wedding cards from those room mates. But when I try to remember I wouldn’t even remember their faces. There are so many cards with me, whose name and face I cant even remember!

 

It was so comforting to come to hostel on Sunday evening and see my gang waiting for me. It was such a BIG comfort. We enjoyed every second in our hostel (whichever it was!). we shared every feeling, every happiness and every sad thing that happened in our lives. Even when I was 26, 15 yr olds called me “swathi” cos we were always friends first and age difference never came in between us. One day my mom heard it and was shocked. [btw, she was never been in a hostel. She never understood the intimacy between room mates!]

 

After 10 yrs, my dad had a feeling that I was getting away from home, when I stopped coming home at weekends. He asked me to drive 70 kms a day instead of staying in a hostel. And when I agreed to him, my 10 yr hostel life ended there!!

When you go blind.....

It was sep 18 th evening. My hubby had a proj delivery. So he asked me to take the car and go home . I was really pissed off at him cos, I had waited for more than 2 hrs for him. If I wanted to drive alone, I would have done that 2 hrs earlier. For some reason I didn’t want to drive alone. Temperature was as usual 12 deg Celsius.

I wanted to go to gym cos last week I couldn’t go there. I went home, changed to sweatpants and drove to gym. Cycled for some 5 mts. (my regular time is 15 mts). But today I wanted to finish it as soon as possible. Started my first round with the machines. After one round, I was really tired. But I scolded myself for being so lazy. I didn’t visit gym last week at all. I had even missed one assessment session. And I almost reached the end of second round. Now only 4 more machines to go. Ok. I reached this hydraulic rowing machine and lifted it…

Suddenly I started sweating profusely. I was drinking water to prevent dehydration. I didn’t care that much. Started lifting it a second time. No.. I cant.. I think I cant lift… I decided to stop. Started going towards the window. On the midway, I saw suddenly it was getting dark. I couldn’t hear anything….and something started burning inside me…now it wasn’t getting dark. I cant see anything. And cant hear also. I knew from earlier experience the symptoms of blackout[I am almost a pro in having blackouts..LOL]. I was looking for a safe place to sit. Or else I will fall down on some machine and get hurt. I tried to sit and prevented myself from going blank. No its not going… minutes passed… even after 5 minutes, I cant see or hear anything. Suddenly my stomach pained and I dragged myself to bathroom. I vomited all the water I drank. I sat on the floor. No I cant call anyone for help. I cant talk or even make a single sound. My vision was completely gone. I could only feel the wash basin. I sat there for some 20 mts. Nobody in the gym knew I was there. After 20 mts slowly I started seeing things around me. Got up and with shaking hands dialled my hubbys number. Couldn’t even talk to him properly. Somehow asked him to come to gym and that I cant drive or for that matter move from the bathroom.

Till my hubby came and found me in the bathroom, I sat there….

That’s what you get for punishing your body tooo much!

Note: i went to the doc. No, i DONT have a low BP. if it recurrs i may have to visit a neurologist and must do a brain scan. i had done EEG 4 yrs back and there was no probm. its just that i have a tendency to faint , which is only heriditary! so guys dont worry, its NOTHING!

Yea, finally i was inquisitve too!

Yea, finally i was inquisitve too, after seeing sab, lovleen, ishrah, florossel go for it!
..the rest...of them...
...kajol and bipasha basu!! **fainting**

...and  for those who wonder .....who this natalie whom i have 90% similarity?

Natalie Jane Imbruglia (pronounced im-broo-lyah) (born February 4, 1975) is an Australian singer, songwriter, model and actress. Like Jason Donovan and Kylie Minogue, she also played a role in the soap Neighbours before venturing into a singing career. She is known in most parts of the world for her smash-hit, "Torn". She is married to Daniel Johns of Silverchair fame.  (wikipedia)

After a disastrous cut!

Ok, from where shall I start? Ok will start from 15 th sep morning. When I came to office in the morning, I saw both my project mates with drooping eyes. Poor guys! we had a midnite delivery and those guys were working their ass out. Now, don’t look at me that way. I had a very bad migraine last night, so I couldn’t be there till 1 am. Now it went well. No issues till now (touchwood!).

Anyway at 3 pm, they both went home. And I didn’t know what to do. And then! One brain wave hit me. Why cant I have a cool-chick-haircut and treat myself? *evil grin* ok, that means 40€ down the drain. But still…… didn’t I deserve that?

 

Took the car and went to town. To my utter disappointment, 3 salons didn’t take clients without appointment. I was desperate. Went to the most posh one. Didn’t have any hope. “do u do haircuts w/o appointment?” “yea”! I was thrilled. Happily settled in the cushy black chair and waited for my stylist to come. She came. Asked me what would I like to have. “no idea” I just wanted to look “chick”. LOL! Still managed to say something, to her!  Covered me with a black cloth  and was sent to a washbasin (he he he, a black one!)

 

And she shampooed my hair, conditioned it (only if someone did that to me, every day!! *sigh*). She dried my hair with a towel and I was sent to the snippetting section. I waited there, waiting for my (or my hairs) destiny!

 

And then she came……. Snip..snip….snip went her scissors… yeeek… that was a lot…”see I didn’t mean thaaaat short”… I shrieked… “it sure looks messy”. “ok, that will be fine after blowdry”. Another one came and took 20 minutes to dry my whats-left-on-my-head!

 

…And this is the way I look now! (why was it to be happen on my birthday?)

 

note: the top pic is the bday gift i got from my hubby!

Entry for September 15, 2006

Ok, my hubby called me up just now and told me that today we will go home at 5 pm (which is very early for him!) and buy my bday gift from Argos! Voila, he remembered!!!!!! and i wasnt reminding him today in case he forgets . If he did, then sunday the 17th would have been the worst day of his life!!!!

note: i made the card myself! thanking God for bringing me to this world, giving me  wonderful parents, guiding me thru thick and thin, gifting me with a caring but forgetful husband, and filling my life with real time friends and virtual friends who loves me alot!
i celebrate this journey called life, once again!

Loving beyond skin!

My hubby and myself are so entirely different in looks. First being  the color factor and next being the hair factor and last being the height factor. Honestly this was never a problem for me even from the very beginning of our courtship. [After being in relation with 2 different ppl each for more than 3 yrs, I find my hubby as an entirely different specimen among the male community!!! It was enough experience for me, to recognise a gem out of fakes! If it not been for him, I would have been a bed-ridden, depressed spinster- now, thats another story about my disc injury!!!  ]

 

But he was always aware of our physical difference. And on occasions when he wasn’t aware, our relatives or friends or even strangers commented on this factor. Once in kerala, we always got those “odd” looks even from our neighbours whenever we went out together. Our relatives and neighbours have made fun of us. But we were there only for 2 months after marriage.

 

Once we landed in Ireland, we never faced such issues. One of the reasons I love Ireland is that. Irish people never compare you and your partner based on your looks! You feel so comfortable without poking stares and smirks. I can hug my husband and kiss him in the middle of the road or in the supermarket. No one stares at me then. I can sing with him while walking thru the road. I can even kick him on his butt! Yea, I always do such funny things while we are on the road. Even inside our office corridors we have our own kind of fun.

 

Once in the office restaurant, my hubby pestered me a lot and finally I got up and poked him with my fork. The next thing I heard was a bunch of women colleagues laughing and appreciating me for that. They told me that he really needed that! That will never happen in kerala.

 

In kerala, one of my friends even told me that she is surprised that my parents agreed to marry him (just cos of our different looks!!!).

I have heard the term : Made for each other. Tell me what does it mean? Does it mean the compatibility in looks? Or does it mean the compatibility in hearts?

 

There is this man who tries to be awake with me, when I cant sleep, even when his eyes are half closed, with sleep. If he is physically different from me, does that mean we are NOT made for each other? How can I ever make others think beyond color and hair???

Note: i dont care  a sha-y-it about those comments at all. But those ppl think, by commenting like that they are making me realise my mistake.

There are moms like this!

I have a mother who worries the hell out of her and others if ever I catch even a silly ordinary cold. And I am so sure that almost all mothers are like that. But there were some other kind I came into contact with. One being my ex-room mate’s mom. I will call her achu. She was never excited about her mom, whenever we discussed about our mommies at hostel. And I thot that achu was being fussy. I never believed her allegations about her mommy not loving her. I always told her it was all her imaginations. I scolded her a lot for telling things about her mommy. (she was much younger to me!).  I never knew I was in for a big surprise.

 

Achu was diagnosed with a pus filled growth on her anus. Yea, that was sooo bad that she couldn’t even sit or lie on her back, not to mention her basic body functions! . Mind you, it was her dad, who took her to hospital. Soon an operation was arranged for her. But strangely, her mom didn’t come. She (her mom) called me up and requested to accompany achu to her hospital. I was shocked. Her own mom, and she asked me , her daughter’s room mate to be with her on her daughter’s surgery. (and that too thru another girl!!! she didnt talk to me directly!)

 

I agreed. I took leave and took achu to the hospital. I took a room, admitted achu and even bought dinner for her. That night achu cried like anything. It was her first operation and she was scared like hell. She was only eighteen then. Only I was there to calm her … me who never experienced an operation myself. And one question bothered me a lot… why her mom didn’t want to be with her on the night before her surgery. But I didn’t ask achu about that. (later i came to know that she didnt want to "waste" a leave of her for her daughters operation. she told me the reason herself!! and she thot it was okay for her room mate to take leave for her daughter!!!!!!)

 

Next morning, the nurse came and asked me to clean achu, which I did. Yea, I don’t have any problem in doing that kind of very personal things for my friends. She changed into surgery clothes. And just before she was pushed into operation theatre, her dad came. He thanked me a lot and hugged his daughter, before she was wheeled into the room.

Still her mom didn’t come.

 

Achu recovered after operation. Her mom came later, I knew, after the surgery. Achu joined us in my hostel room, after 2 weeks. But we never discussed that night before her surgery, again. I never asked about her mom, too.

 

I know one thing, for certain. That woman is her own mother. And from that day onwards I started trusting Achu, when she criticised her mom. I came into terms with the fact that all mothers are not like my own mom.

Back in Track!

Hasn’t it been ages since I peeped into y360? I was unreasonably depressed (at least that’s what I would like to believe!) the whole last week… I was swivelling in the reins of past.(which resulted in a very boring blog…). and s velliyod told me that there should be some reason for that. Yea there was! It was just cos of the lack of communication with my past and now after solving it,  I am ok. Weird are nature’s reasons for different emotions!

 

Ok, now coming back to my present life:

Now the Irish temperature is on the range 6 deg-12 deg Celsius. And I am bundled in layers of clothing, along with thick and heavy full neck jumpers. Still my hands and fingers are cold like rock. (OK, and feels like too….after all its MY fingers!) I can’t cover them, as I have to work with them (big deal!)

 

There were trillions of TRs in the last week before everyone (not including me) went for vacation and we three of us had our head-spinning days to keep the numbers under control, on the light of upcoming delivery, this Friday!

 

And another thing is that my birthday is on this Saturday, the 16^th. In case any one forgets, plsssssssss don’t forget to wish me. I don’t have any problem in reminding my friends about my birthday till 15 th evening, almost every day. (Orkut is doing a great job in that!!!  Sab and cheeeeze is having their Bdays on 13^th too….) I am doing that reminding job always. My hubby forgets my birthday always. (sigh*** nothing new in it, still, a biiiiig sigh**** )So telling about it for the whole day till 15^th evening is the only way to make sure that on 16^th he may remember it!

 

I chose my birthday gift. I always insist that he should buy me something on my birthday..again no issues in doing that for him. This time, it’s a gold covered watch and matching bracelet. He he he…. I have even chosen the design. But whether he remembers about it on 16 th is a veeeeeery big issue! [I wont remind him on 16 th… God! I should have left some pride, on me!!!]. I saw him putting reminder on his cellphone, on 16 th (I wanted to cry, but I didn’t!!  ). And pssst.. don’t ask my age pls…. I am still on my twenties,( I really am!!) but for how long is what I don’t want to answer!!

note; that pic is just a filler!

Mind's Play!

Strangely there happen certain things in your past that u never want to re-live again. Such deep is the pain, such vast is the hurt that you never even remember about it now a days. In fact it has been more than  a lot of yrs since you even thought about that dreadful past. And suddenly one day, everything floods into your present life as memories, in fact for no apparent reason.

 

And you make yourself a BIG surprise by remembering each and ever minute details of the set of all those incidents. You suddenly seem to relive the past with its dreadful pain. For some moments you are the old –self, going thru the hurt and pain. And the pain….which you dumped into your remotest, darkest part of your mind, so that it may never pop-up, has re-surfaced again.

 

………….and still you feel, if you could go back to the past for one moment, to have the pain in your life. Because somehow you are so curious to know how the pain would feel now, that once had destroyed you, to the core. Why is it like that?