F1 !!!

I am in this 'mode'..now!!!!!!!!!!!! someone please F1 me!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Leaving 2006 in India, to be with 2007 in Ireland...

Spot me?- 2

This is again, another old group photo...

Year: 1993

Place:Holy Angels' Convent School, Trivandrum.

clue: This time I couldnt get hold of my place near any of those teachers

thats me...second row from bottom, standing extreme left.... a kind of secluded away from the group!!!!

DEEPS, congrats on your eye sight!!!!!

Can you spot me? -1

I am among here, in this group of 'gents' and 'ladies'.....

The year was 1983...

School: Holy Angels Convent School, Trivandrum

Standard- 1st

Can you spot me?

thats me....'green' house class captain badge hanging on left side!! (just near teacher, sitting and looking down...LOL!)...was a 'chamchi' even at that time! LOL!!!!

shail: hats off!!!!!

..and still Man Proposes!

Two days back when my husband came, I transformed myself into the best ‘planner’. Especially for the one ‘surprise’ I promised Shail !

Now there is a poster above my computer in the wall facing me. It says ‘Man Proposes…’. I should have been the one who knows the meaning of it more clearly than any one else, mainly because it’s in my ray of vision, 24 *7. But does that make me ‘the enlightened’? No. I am still the same man who ‘proposes’ always, without the slight ‘imagination’ of getting the ‘proposal’ rejected by the Almighty!

Ok…now what happened in simple words!

Day1:

When I woke up, my life-long companion was re-visiting me, after 1 month. Who? Who else, other than ‘The Migraine”. Even after the allowed quantity of Solpadeine, she didn’t want to leave me alone. Great! What else to do, other than succumbing to her wish the whole day! I should be thankful that she didn’t bring her favorites this time, [nausea and vomiting].

Day2:

I woke up when my mom’s weak voice called me, “Can you take me to hospital?” Within no time, dozing away from sleep, I was driving mom to hospital. She was vomiting, with high fever and head ache! She got admitted in hospital, and there while sitting near her bed, my hubby reminded me “swathi, never plan anything ahead so much in detail”

Day2: evening.

When amma got discharged from hospital, I urged achan to buy some take-away food, to avoid cooking. My hubby told me “don’t buy food from outside, we will cook.” But did I care? NO. When I reached home, I was eating the tiny chicken pieces. (of course with my usual carelessness, because I didn’t have the faintest idea of what’s going to happen!).

The next thing I remember is me getting suffocated with a piece of bone stuck in my throat. It was stuck there horizontally. I was suddenly in a state of shock and didn’t know what to do. My husband urged me to calm down first, but I was too shocked and paralyzed with fear. So I screamed. I couldn’t vomit, nor could I swallow. For a whole 5 minutes I stood like that, screaming. Then I pushed my finger into my throat and found the bone. But instead of getting it back, I pushed it more inside. Soon I vomited all over my hubby’s face (!) and I felt better.

I thought that everything was fine. And I ate. After 1 hour, I was trying to drink tea, when I found that I can’t even swallow saliva. When I tried swallowing, torturing pain shot first thru my throat, then to my chest. After that every second, my pain increased and finally I was taken to hospital. There doctor told me that he couldn’t find the bone, but my throat was badly infected and injured. Swelling and inflammation had almost blocked his vision. I was given antibiotics and anti-inflammatory tabs for 5 days. He told, if the pain doesn’t come down, we have to get the bone piece out!

Yesterday I didn’t eat or sleep. And this morning, my pain seems bearable. I hope the inflammation is coming down and the bone stuck is gone!!

Foot note: My hubby slipped his feet and fell from steps, this morning, hurting his back. My dad thinks, somebody is really ‘cursing’ us!

Me aka my hair thru the years.....

I am really in doubt whether this is my vacation or not!!! I am frustrated, bored and separated from my husband. Is this the vacation I imagined? O god! Why did I see ONLY the greener grass on the other side?

When boredom reached my bones gnawing thru my flesh, (it sure was painful!) I started going thru my old cupboards. [Did I think of going down the memory lane?]And guess where did I reach? A whole lots of passport size photos. Some from college identity cards, some from old application forms (of course, unsent!).

It was easy to find out the years, from the seals stamped on them. I didn’t have the patience to scan them. So I took its photo (Gosh! photo’s photo, and imagine its clarity!) and now I am ‘trying’ to show it here…. Hope it gives an idea about how I looked thru the years! *rolling eyes*

Note: Studies say that constant boredom and frustration can impair some brains!

1991 - 8th standard! (the only existing proof that I HAD long hair!)

dont be scared...its again me (1992), in school uniform! (after a disastrous hair cut!)

1993, after 10th exam (its in my eyes!). Btw, its my dad's ever-fav photo...he had framed it and put it in his room!

From my college ID card (1997) (hair is neither long nor short...!) [My fav..LOL]

(2001) in my everfailing attempt to regrow my hair! **sigh** [my hubby's fav!]

(2002)

There is also another photo in my Passport which always make Indian/Irish immigration officials doubt my identity! They honestly think that I am not the one who is in the photo. Btw, I am not posting it LOL!

Trying to control the train of thots...

How many of us have done meditation, successfully? Now, this has nothing to do with religion! So please...please... don’t be prejudiced!

Also, please don’t ask me how to do it, cos I am not in a level to teach that flawlessly to another person. But I was taught that (flawlessly) by some one, and I will never ever forget my first experience, with that. Very few people, who know that I do meditation, had asked me “show me, too”, and I just try to skip the subject. To do it on your own doesn’t need skill, but to take others too in that way and make them ‘feel’ is entirely different. And main thing was that if you failed in making others ‘feel’ it, they would lose faith in the power of meditation. And you will be called a‘fraud’.

Seven years back, one day I just took the telephone directory and looked for listings under ‘meditation’. I must be crazy or was that my destiny? I don’t know. But that single impulsive act of mine has lifted me entirely to another dimension, after 7 days.

I was never spiritual, till then. I used to go to temples, prayed hard to get all that I wished for and cried hard, when I didn’t get what I wanted. I don’t know when that desperation took me away to near craziness, that I was forced to take 7 days leave from work. And then, I wanted to heal myself.

When I rang the place, a female voice answered. She asked me to come there, anytime I wanted and I needn’t pay any fees at all. Even after I kept the phone, the voice haunted me. It was a kind of reverberating peace in the voice that drew me towards it like a magnet.

That evening when I first went to Brahmakumaris meditation center, I was clueless about anything related to meditation. There I saw the owner of the ‘reverberating’ voice for the first time. Sister Bindu. [Every member is addressed like brother or sister, there!]. Now I had 1 hr class everyday for 7 days. I asked a lot of questions. I got answers, for them. And there were a lot of beliefs of mine that were broken down. Some questions, I was asked to write it down and was asked to wait, till I got the answers from my own mind. [Once it has attained a certain level of knowledge]

The seventh day came. This was when I was going to be taught ‘mediation’. Sister Bindu was there and she just asked me to sit down, in a chair. She was supposed to say a commentary to me, and I have to make my mind follow that. She was more comfortable with English and as I was also comfortable with that, she chose that language. The next 5 minutes were the most valuable 5 minutes in my life. She was doing commentary [that’s the word, we say to describe the thought-process that eventually takes us to the complete detached level of meditation], and my mind was trying to follow whatever she was telling. I tried and then I don’t remember what happened.

After some time [I don’t know how many minutes passed], Sister Bindu asked me to get back, slowly [we just cant come back from ‘that’ level suddenly to our normal level]. And when I opened my eyes, I found that I was frozen. I couldn’t move my limbs on my own. Even though my mind would like to move my hands, my hands felt detached. I was looking at my body, as though it was a foreign object. I got scared and told Sister that I can’t move on my own. She told me that it was cos my concentration was strong along with her commentary and that I will take some more minutes, to get back to normal.

Any way after some half an hr, I was okay and went back.

Now after that I started practicing it on my own, with commentary cassettes and later without cassettes. Now once you are familiar with the commentary you can ask yourself to do that. But in order to get easy concentration, meditation music is good. I practiced it, regularly till I got married. After that I could never practice it.

Now 4-5 days before, some incident provoked me to try meditation, in order to get my mind clear. With the help of music, I tried and was soon successful. And when I came back, I was both relieved and happy. Relieved that I haven’t lost my ability to meditate and happy and thankful that I can still do it.

Want to download some meditation commentary??? : click here

meditation music? click here

Not interested? DONT click here

-------------------------------------------------------

Guys, who couldnt find their cursor to compose blog/or having some problems with the upgraded Y360, pls get an UPDATE of ur BROWSER. if u r using IE, go to microsoft and get an UPDATE on ur IE for that version(u dont have to upgrade to IE7!).i tried and now it works!

-swathi

Some FUN photos!!!!

The one above is my original photo!!!!

....

....

....

and those below are made-ups!!!

Have fun like this , in here

..and they decided!!!!

This is again in reply to Priya’s blog about ‘who should decide’. This may help some young women or their parents who is yet to have an arranged marriage.

 

The year was 1998. I wasn’t even 21, when a serious marriage proposal came to my parents, for me.  They didn’t have plans to marry me off, then cos I haven’t completed my BTech and my dad didn’t have money planned for it. This came thru one of our staff member, who taught us in engineering college. It was for his close relative’s son. The guy was a single son (with a younger sister), who did his Btech in Comp.Science from  Trivandrum Engineering college, and was working in Microsoft (!), US. He was 27/28 then.

 

My parents told that they are not interested. But his parents called us, every day. Finally my parents told me about it. At that time, I was on the verge of a break up (which my parents wasn’t aware of), and I was looking for an escape route at any cost. But soon things got pretty fast. Within one week, I heard that the guy was coming to India (for his marriage, of course!). And one fine morning, his parents and his school-going sister came to my home, to see me. Now, honestly, I didn’t know the seriousness of the situation till then.

 

His mom and his sister became too close to me. They told me dialogues like “you are the best girl, my son can ever get” and “After marriage, you should do this and that..etc”. They even asked me if I had any existing love affair in case, they could leave me alone with my own wish. Now these experiences were something brand new for me. (remember, I was just 20). I was wondering, how I would take care of his son,(whom, I haven’t seen at all!!!) as they were asking me that again and again.

 

The next week, one fine morning, the guy came to my house along with his family. It was on a Saturday. On Monday I was having the University Exams for that semester. He came and sat in our drawing room and I noticed that he didn’t even look at me. His mom and sis were all over me, again and made me feel like I was the only girl in this earth! They gave me a lot of gifts, from US, including sweets and Parker pens! But I didn’t give them ‘tea’, (like we see in films!!). Then the inevitable happened. We were asked to talk alone!!!  I was so excited about this whole thing, like I feel while I was attending an exam and waiting for the result. I wasn’t tensed, just too curious, about the turn of events, suddenly in my life.

 

He : I liked the name Swathi, its so sweet.

Me: -----

He: I wouldn’t have come to see you, if I haven’t liked you.

Me:-----

He: Do you speak fluent English?

Me: I speak OK, that’s all!

He: I plan to come back to India from US, after 3 yrs. What ur opinion on that?.

Me: What should I say? Whatever is your decision, you should do. I just want to complete my projects and assignments!! (That was the only thing worrying me, then!) Will you help me, in finishing the project?? **What a romantic question***

He: what are your hobbies?

Me: I read…that’s all…nothing much.

He: I do rock climbing, skiing, skydiving, paragliding, and all kind of adventure sports. Do you mind joining me, in that, after marriage?

Me: but I don’t know all these…and I want to submit my project in time.

He: -----

He: did you like me?

Me: you are OK.

*** end of intvw***

 

The next thing that happened gave me the biggest shocks in my life. I was engaged!!!

After they went, my dad went to an astrologer and took the date for my (!!) marriage and booked a hall and even gave orders for printing cards.(all that happened within 3 hrs!)

 

Then…only then…I got the cold feet. I felt dizzy. My head started spinning. No…I cant do this…I cant marry….its not the guy….I am not prepared for marriage now. I felt that I am being suffocated. I felt like vomiting and my vision was getting unclear.

 

Soon I started crying loudly. I told amma that I don’t want this marriage. Amma told “don’t tell me. Tell this to your dad”. I told dad “achaaa……….pls I don’t want this marriage. I will die”. He asked me why. My problem was that I didn’t have an answer. Only one thing was crystal clear in my mind that if I get married then, I will be doomed. I felt like a chicken getting ready to get killed!

 

That night my dad did the worst thing that only a dad can do. He did emotional blackmailing combined with brainwashing to the extreme! From the moment, he saw me first as a newborn baby, he told me about his hopes and aspirations on me and my life and how today I was going to spoil every dream of him.[this is what I say  10000 times, that will happen to a single-kid!!] He talked to me that whole night. Finally at 4am in the morning, as epilogue, he told me “if you don’t agree to this marriage, you will see only my dead body!!!” OK…that was it….I was ready for that marriage.

 

Next morning, (Sunday) dad got a phone call. It was from the guy’s home. Soon he went there. When he came back, he told me “that guy broke the engagement”. Reasons he told his parents who inturn told my dad:

1)      I was too young for marriage, as I told him only about semester projects.

2)      I didn’t know rock climbing, paragliding, and skydiving.

3)      I wasn’t a modern girl, with an independent attitude or opinion.

 

I didn’t know whether to cry or to laugh… I wondered what my dad would do, now? Will he kill himself, like he told me last night? But its true effect was not on my dad. It was on my mom. She didn’t get up from her bed for one whole week.

 

And me: I took the next bus to my hostel, and without studying anything, wrote the university paper next day. Astonishingly, I got 93% on that paper, though I can swear I didn’t write anything. I still believe that, it was due to an error in the valuation.

 

 

Footnote1: He got married after some months to a girl working as s/w enggr. One of my ‘well-wishing close’ relative called my mom at 6 am in the morning to tell her this hot news, she got! LOL!!!!

 

Footnote2: After some days, the senior staff member called me in his cabin and cried in front of me, begging to accept his apologies!!! And I had to tell him “Sir, dont cry, it is OK”!

 

Footnote 3: 2 days back Amma was telling this to my hubby in a careful manner. I told her “Amma, don’t be so polished. I have told him, all and he kids me that I should have been in Microsoft, now…LOL”

My Dirty Dancing!!!

Yesterday I read Shail’s blog on her childhood experiences with classical dance and veena… she said, she even attended the ‘deeparadhana’, (and that too, for one year!) just to get the chance to continue with her dance lessons! For me that was a realization that there are people like that, too…

 

Unfortunately for me (and fortunately for art-lovers), I didn’t have that exclusive love for studying such art forms …  yea, I didn’t have that love, but I did have the chance to try my luck on it!!

 

I don’t know how my parents got this idea of putting me in Regatta Dance School when I was in 5^th standard. I clearly remember the Vijayadasami day, when I started my dance lessons for ‘Bharatnadyam’. When I was asked to place ‘dakshina’ for the teacher on her feet, I didn’t touch her feet. In fact, later I came to know that I was the only student who didn’t ‘touch’ our teacher’s feet. I thought (when I was 10) that it was an unhygienic ritual! LOL!

 

Things were never smooth afterwards… my cousin sister whose body was more flexible than me, got along well. Me, who was a little bit overweight at that time, began to look forward every dance class with terror! It was literally terror for me. I panted like an over-worked donkey, after every dance class. My body never followed all those graceful motions that the teacher showed. It was a heart-as-well-as-back breaking experience for a 10 yr old. I cursed my parents, every time my teacher criticized my body.  Actually the main teacher, Girija Mohan (she is the guru of  most Kalathilakams from Trivandrum!!!) was very soft with me. She never used harsh words with me. But as she was very busy, some senior students took dance classes for us kids. They were Manikkutty chechi (filmstar Sreelekshmi) and Mini chechi. Mini chechi was the one who played the main part in pushing my self-confidence to ground level.

 

After every class when I went home, I spent half and hour in front of the mirror, cursing my over-weight figure. I was made fun of by Mini chechi always, for the way I looked. In fact when my cousin who had an in-born taste in dance, along with a slim body, excelled, I was the one who lagged. In fact my progress was little.

 

Mini chechi used to tell me always that I looked like the vegetable ‘padavalanga’. (snake gourd). In fact she made that my nickname. There were some 10-12 students in one class and every single evening, I have to hear this comparison of my body with  ‘padavalanga’ from Mini chechi.  Every one laughed at me, including the boys who were in our class. [At 10, I didn’t know about dieting!!!] My cousin used to come home and tell mom “Babyamma, Mini teacher calls chechi, padavalanga”. Even then, my parents didn’t understand the inferiority complex, I felt.

 

Any way after 2 yrs of continuous humiliation with a result of a very high inferiority complex over my appearance, at 12, somehow I convinced my parents that I needed more time to study that attend dance classes! But then I had become very much overweight. Once my dad’s friend even asked me, what I was doing, when I was just 12. People who saw me never believed that I was just 12, and soon I stopped attending weddings cos I really got sick of those ‘raised eyebrows’ and ‘gaping mouths’ when they heard my age.

 

Astonishingly without any dieting, I lost all my weight when I was 16-17, and never gained weight, till now. But that horrible experience, always keep me on my toes about my weight now. and my once svelte cousin is not anymore like that now!

 

And I sincerely have an advice to the parents of all overweight kids…please, please, notice the shame on their face, when others comment about their weight, and call them names. They may not admit that to you, but they may be dying in inferiority complex inside…

 

I don’t have any photos that were taken on my over-weight phase (thank God!)

The above photo was taken while I was 1.5 yrs old. Notice the ink cap held tightly on my right hand??? The photographer gave me that to hold, to keep me still!!

  

Footnote: only recently I told my hubby that I learned (?) bharathanadyam for 2 yrs and he wanted me to show what I learned. At that instant, I hated myself for telling him, that.

 

                                  This is my entry for Marty’s Photo Challenge/Festival.  

(yea, i know, i am late...but, better late, than never!)

 

The new experiences..

We actually came to India on the name of enjoying our ‘holidays’ (!) together. Instead we ended up in leading a very non-holiday life and that too in two different homes. Honestly in the 2-3 days while we were together, the only decision we took in unison was to cut down our next annual leave to 15 days. We are exhausted that much in these 2 weeks. Our parents’ homes are more than 100 kms apart, and we both ended up shuttling between them, and that too, one person at a time. And result: my hubby is down with fever in his home and me (also with fever) in mine! This was not at all the vacation we planned!!!

 

But I shouldn’t complain completely about it. In fact, before getting fever, while we were shuttling, we sure had some nice time. While he was in my home, every day we went to see the latest Malayalam films. Keerthichakra, Classmates and Yes,your Honour. A tiny review from my side:

 

Classmates: I had lots of expectation on this film. But it let me down. I think the problem was with me, cos I over-expected! I had read and heard a 1000 reviews on this film!!

 

Keerthichakra: I liked the movie. It wasn’t just another movie on Kashmir Issue (Nasir, I hope u r reading this!). But the rape and murders killed my spirits, though I know that things more horrible than that, happens there.

 

Yes,Your Honour: Actually we went to see Pothanvava, but ended up with Yes,your Honour! As it was completely out of the blue, I really liked this film. I didn’t have a single clue about the theme and every next scene was a surprise for me!!!

 

And then he went back. After two days it was my turn, to shuttle to my in-laws. They live near Karunagappally in Kollam, district. And its more than 100 kms from my home. One thing was that we both are strictly prohibited from driving, by our parents, mainly cos the first day when my hubby tried to drive, he got scared by the infamous Trivandrum way of overtaking-through-right-and-left-simultaneously! In fact he couldn’t move his car an inch in the hefty Trivandrum traffic. I don’t know if that was good or bad, cos after that we had to depend on some body or other for our transport. But for long distance, we leaned on our K.S.R.T.C Super Fasts.

 

Now my in-laws are in Vallikkavu, the H.Q of Mata Amritanandamayi Ashram. Its just 5 minutes walk from my home, there. I first saw Mata Amritanandamayi when I was 16, and going thru the toughest period in my life. At that time, I never thot that after 12 yrs, my home will be just near her Ashram. I don’t know her personally but my eldest sis-in-law was her classmate, and I was told by her that Amma knows every member of my husband’s family, including him. But I didn’t know that I was going to get more surprises that day.

 

My hubby took me to the Ashram along with my sis-in-law. She went to the Engineering College under The Ashram (she is an Asst.Professor there), while a devotee of Amma, who was my husband’s friend, took us to her. We went through the back door, as the front door was completely filled with people. While she was hugging me, I heard my husband’s friend tell Amma “Amma, this is Sajeev, Achuthan’s son”. And suddenly she told “Oh! You changed so much, I couldn’t recognize you. What are you doing now? You have become a total motta!!!”

 

And then she began to tell about the times, when she used to study with my sis-in-law and used to come to our house (when my hubby was a toddler of 2 yrs!!). And I was sooo surprised, mainly cos her memory was very sharp. She knew exactly what all happened 30 yrs back. She even remembered how many times, she visited our house. She told what she used to sing, then. And for some solid 5 minutes, they talked about all the incidents that happened 30 yrs back and there I stood with my mouth dropping to the floor. She told him that next time, when she comes to Ireland, she would visit our home. (Btw, she was in Ireland, last November!) Then somebody told her that I was his wife, and she smiled and hugged me again. I don’t know if she ever thought that I was there, when I was just 15 and my hubby was 18 and when we were total strangers!

 

I was in a daze when I walked home cos, to be honest I didn’t trust my sis-in-law completely, when she told me that she was Mata Amritanandamayi’s friend and classmate. And to hear it directly from Amma, was something else!!!

 

The next day it was another spiritual journey. Now my mom-in-law wanted us to have a baby soon. Every day she was telling me that, and I was going on nodding. Then she told me that she wanted us to go to the famous Mannarasala Temple. Now this temple is famous for the serpent Gods who can bless childless couples with children. She believes in the temple, mainly cos, her own sis-in-law had seven still-born children and only after going to this temple she got her eighth (only) son, alive!

 

So the next day, we (my hubby, my mom-in-law and me) went.

 

It was one of the coolest temples, I saw. By cool, I mean literally cool. Cos of the dense forest-like“kavu”, the atmosphere was very cool even at noon. And the temple stood on acres of “kavu”, which made it so different. We spent almost 3-4 hrs there, and I scanned everywhere for snakes, but I couldn’t, see them. As per my mom-in-law’s wish, we enquired about the vazhipadu to have children.

 

It was the famous Uruli Kamizhthu and Uruli Nivarppu. But we were told that for us, who are going to have our second wedding anniversary next month, are not permitted to do that. In fact to do that, couples have to be childless for a minimum of 5 years and also they have to talk to the Mannarassala Amma (the main priestess there), before they get permission to do so. So we came back, after getting the Nilavara Payasam!

 

 Now after my spiritual encounters when I reached my home, I got fever, and today my hubby is in hospital cos he is having high fever.

 

A wedding I missed most!!!!!

And this is the wedding I missed most, while I was in Ireland. That was because, this was the only wedding in which my role as a matchmaker was a success. Now, don’t get me wrong. That is not my profession. (Btw, there is nothing wrong in that profession!!!)
While I was waiting for my visa to join my hubby and didn’t have anything “better” to do, I took this matchmaking as a part-time job and came out with flying colors!!! *claps* *claps* for me!!! See, I am not that bad!! I really can excel in any field I want. After all that was for my (cousin) sister!
I always wondered why every bride looks gorgeous on her wedding day! Even she too…



..and this is the “thali/mangalyasutra” tying ceremony
..and this is ring-exchange..
..and after that hefty ceremony!! (see how relieved both of them are!!!! LOL)
….and now for some fun…..which I missed most….I would have laughed like Kroor Singh, then!!! She couldn’t actually get up on her own, once that heavy garland was on her neck!!! She almost fell from the dias!!
..and look what happened to the groom!!! After 2 hrs of posing for the camera, he almost wanted to throw that away!!! ** kudos.. that is my brother-in-law**
…later both of them swore that the garlands were each more that 5 kg!!! I really don’t know how they managed to keep it on!!!! Cos, on my wedding, I literally threw the garland away, within seconds after it was put on my neck!
Note: sorry for the poor picture quality. I froze the frames from video CD!!! LOL!!!
One Happy Note: I am gonna be an aunt after 6 months!!!

Hickory Dickory Dock-3!

continued from Part-1 and Part-2

“Good Morning, Sir”, receptionist Manju smiled at him. Shiva Kumar didn’t look at her. He knew about all the back talk that was going on among the staff, about his personal life. Being one of the strictest bosses, many employees didn’t like him at all. One day he even heard one of them comment about the incident when Shalini caused chaos, in the hospital. “Our Captain Terror can terrorize everyone in this world, except his own wife”. And they all chuckled!

 

He went upstairs to his personal room. Then he rang for the only person he ever talked his personal problems to, Rejani. She was one of the partners who had invested money for the hospital. A widow at the age of 42, she looked like the abode of sorrow. When Rejani knocked and came in, he blurted out  “Rejani, I told her. I told her about my decision. Now I feel peaceful.” He closed his eyes tightly and tried to blank his mind for a while.

 

Rejani, was silent. She knew what was going thru him. In fact she was the only one who knew him completely, at that moment. As it was natural when a man and woman get close, there were numerous gossips about them. But they knew exactly what kind of relationship they shared. For Rejani, being widowed at 32, she had heard her share of gossips even before she met Shiva kumar.  Those gossips never touched her, at all. But she respected this man. And it hurt her when she found him hurt. In reality, it was the comradeship people shared, when left in an isolated island, totally helpless. Loneliness and the feeling of meaningless life brought them together.

 

Rejani ordered coffee for both of them. After talking to her about his conversation with kids and  Shalini, he felt peaceful. “Shiva, today is your surgery day. First case start at 8:15, if you don’t feel well, may be I can ask Dr.Ajith to lead”, Shalini told him, slowly. “No, I am fine. I will be ready at the theatre, within 15 minutes”. Being one of the best laparoscopic surgeon, in the State, for him, his work was his worship. And he forgot all his problems, when God worked thru his hands.

 

At noon, he had finished his fifth case. After scrubbing himself, he went back to his room. He didn’t feel hungry at all. But then Rejani came and ordered lunch for him from the canteen. That day wasn’t his O.P day. So he had time till 3 pm. He started reading some journals that came through post that day.

 

When he reached the third journal, Rejani came to his room, this time without knocking. “Shiva, I wanted to tell you some thing” .

There was panic in her voice. Shiva, looked at her questioningly.

“Did any thing happen to the surgery cases I did this morning?”-was the first thought that passed through his mind. It was his hospital, and he himself performed the surgery. He was answerable for any mishap that happened. He prepared his mind for the inevitable.

 â€œIs there any issue with the surgery cases?”

“No, Shiva it’s something else. Shalini…shalini is in the emergency room, now. She…she seems critical”. 

For a while, Shiva couldn’t recognize what she was saying. Then he recomposed himself. “Did she take an overdose again?”, he asked in the most normal way.

“No, Shiva, she is not here. She is in the Medical College”.

“Medical College? “ His voice suddenly rose high.

“I had always asked Raju to bring her only here, if ever she ever takes overdose”.

“Shiva, she didn’t take overdose”.

 â€œThen? What did she do this time? Found any new way, to ruin my reputation?” Anger was rising inside him.

“No, Shiva she was on her way to our hospital. I mean, Raju was driving the car. And…and…. and on the bypass road, a national permit truck hit the car. People took her to Medical College. We got the phone call from there, about her critical condition. She seems to have a very bad head injury.”

 

It took some time for Shiva Kumar to get the complete meaning of those words. He almost thought that Rejani was talking nonsense. As soon as truth hit him, he rose to the occasion. He rang for Manoj in the reception, to drive him to Medical College.

 

The car came to a stop before the black and white board- “Casuality”.  When he went inside, all the junior doctors recognized him, with respect. He tried to get the answer, by trying the routine job of reading the message from another doctor’s face. But he couldn’t.. One of them led him to the room.

 

There inside, over the rusting iron bed, lay Shalini, her forehead and face completely soaked in blood. He eventually knew that what he feared has finally happened. Impulsively he checked her pulse. “No ….she is not breathing.” He looked at the doctor’s face and this time he told, “Sir, sorry, we couldn’t!”.

 

He looked at her for 2 more minutes and turned back.

“Sir”… he stopped.

“We got these papers from the body’s fist. She was holding it tightly. We saw your name in it and only then we recognized that she was your wife”

Shiva took the papers he handed him. It was those papers for mutual divorce, duly signed by Mrs Shalini Shiva Kumar.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dearest friends, this is NOT a true story.... this is something I developed from a news paper cutting, I happened to see. I have added my own things, to get some feelings *winks*.

I want to thank Brenny, who wrote in his blog, titled  "Where the stories come from"  says:

"That when you start to feel the freedom in writing is when you can take the experiences of others and weave it into your own.  I am slowly starting to feel that and man it's quite a rush.  You should try it sometime."

..and I tried....

 Thank you Brenny!

Hickory Dickory Dock-2!

..continued from Part-1

Shalini, slowly raised her head and looked at him with drooping eyes full of hatred. When realization hit her, instead of her usual violent nature, she was extremely quiet. “Shalini, these are the papers you have to sign. I have filed for our divorce. We can’t go together like this forever. “ He paused, almost expecting the Gin bottle to crash on his head. But no.. nothing happened. “Shalini, are you listening?. He repeated. “I have filed for our divorce, and your alcoholism and Schizophrenia will earn me divorce within 6 months. I can’t go on like this Shalini, I need to get out of this.”  Still there was no answer from her.  “This house, I have written on your name. And I am ready to pay 25,000 rupees as monthly compensation”. “The kids seem to be okay with this. You can choose to stay here or be with the kids. I will be moving out today to the Skyline apartment “.

 

He waited some more minutes for her reaction. No. Nothing at all. She seems to be exceptionally peaceful today.  Slowly he put the papers in the table and closed the door.

 

While driving to the City Medical Center, his entire past flashed through his mind. When the poor, but exceptionally brilliant boy lost his father at 10. When his wealthy maternal uncle took the whole expenditure of his studies, along with his mother’s hospital expenditure. When he passed his MBBS with gold medal from Trivandrum Medical College. When he got his admission for FRCS in UK. And the fateful day, when he promised his uncle that he would marry his daughter, as soon as he completes his FRCS. It was common among Hindus in Kerala to marry one’s cousin. Shalini was studying in 10^th class, when he came back from England. The young lad had hopes and aspirations about his future. He was already famous then for his surgical skills.

 

But soon he had to put his life as pawn for the money his uncle paid.  He married his high-school going daughter. Shalini, was an innocent, fair girl, who never knew even to read or write English. With her high profile husband, she felt totally left out and secluded , among his circle of colleagues and friends. But she was never a quitter. Soon she learned English and tried her best to pull her level so that she can get her husband’s love and attention. But nothing could melt off the indifference that Shivakumar showed towards his uneducated wife. She soon realized that her husband married her only as part of the barter trade, for his FRCS. When they had 3 kids, her life centered on them.

 

Flying from continents to continents, Shiva Kumar never really bothered about nurturing his family with love. The kids grew up seeing and sensing the thick wall between their parents. When they had their own life, they flew away from the nest.

 

For Shalini, it all began with loneliness. Soon it turned into clinical depression. The anti depressants she took, became her only solace. And very soon, the inevitable happened. She became addicted to it. She increased her regular dose, and when she wanted to drown her depression more, she turned towards alcohol. Alcohol and high dose anti depressants, gave her a 24 hr high. Shiva Kumar never noticed this, till one day she was admitted into hospital, for its overdose usage. But by then things had gone, completely out of control. The withdrawals pushed Shalini, to the verge of committing suicide, and Shiva Kumar soon gave up.

 

The next years, it was not Shalini who lived with him. It was the deadly combination of alcohol and Pethadin that shared his home. Soon she started to cause trouble in public places. Shiva Kumar got numerous phone calls from different shops in the city. She even came to City Medical Center and caused havoc. Shiva Kumar started paying for his early negligence towards his wife. And last week, his patience limit snapped, when he got a call from Police Station. It was when Shalini, on her high, barged into a three star hotel in the city and caused trouble there. And it was on that evening, he called Adv. Radhakrishnan, to file for divorce.

 

The car turned to left from the bypass road. From there it turned towards the doctors’ parking lot, in City Medical Center campus. There it stopped in front of the board named “managing director”. When he locked the car and walked towards reception, he never knew that his day would be the most eventful day in his life.

(…continued in Part-3 ..)

Hickory Dickory Dock-1!

“Time is 6:30 AM”, said the accentuated female voice of the talking clock. Shivakumar fumbled for its off button with his right hand. When finally it stopped talking, he was completely awake from his sleep. Even through the soft rumbling of the AC, he could hear noises coming from the only occupied room in that floor. “Did she start very early this morning?” The noises of clinking glasses mixed with muffled human voice, when it reached his ears. He looked at the family photo on top of his bedroom chest. Meera looked just like her mom with curly tendrils adorning her face. But Nisha was different. Whom did she resemble? There was always a mysterious seriousness in her face. Rarely did she smile while taking snaps. And Ajith, he never looked like her or me. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the crashing sound of glass from the other room. Today Shyamala has to spend, 4-5 hrs cleaning all the mess, he thought. It must have become her habit, now.

 

He took his reading glasses and after slowly wiping it, placed them on his nose. Today is the day. The day I was waiting for past 40 yrs. My life is going to go though a drastic metamorphosis, and still the world looks so ordinary. He thought while looking thru the window at the already crept dawn. I have to tell her today.

 

After having bath, he went downstairs, to the dining room. Shyamala has put breakfast in the table. He glanced through The Hindu’s headlines, while sipping the juice from the glass. He could still hear glasses crashing on the room from the first floor. As it has become a part of his life, for past 25 years, it never disturbed him. After having his juice, he carefully took those documents from the blue file he carried.  Taking a deep breath, he slowly walked to her room.

 

The room wasn’t locked. When he opened, he nearly expected a glass to fly over his head. No, this time she has become unconscious much early. Carefully walking thru the broken glass, he went to the table where she was sitting. Two empty bottles of Smirnoff Vodka were still rolling on the floor. One Broker's London Dry bottle was half empty on the table. Salini was sitting with drooping eyes, talking to herself, her sound becoming hoarse after continuous hours of shouting. She didn’t see him.

 

He looked at her, as if he was seeing her for the first time. 40 yrs before, when he married her, while she was 15, he had only one intention. To pay back, for all the money her father spent to make him take an FRCS from Edinburgh. Now, at 65, with 3 kids married and settled in various parts of UK, finally he wanted his life back. At 55, alcoholism had swallowed Salini completely like a hungry demon. Will she understand what I am going to tell her, in this state?

 

He put a hand on her shoulder. She slightly stirred. He noticed her clothes sticking to the hollow in her chest, after the surgery he himself performed on her, for breast-cancer. He felt pity. But no, I can’t take it any more. 40 yrs I suffered. I need my life back now at 65 yrs. He had told his decision to all his 3 kids, last night. They just listened. They were all her babies… not mine. They, the future owners of the eminent City Medical Center!!!. But they had a father. Dr. Shivakumar, MS, FRCP(Edinburgh). MD of City Medical Center and visiting professor of AIIMS. But they always thought they were only Shalini’s, who hadn’t even passed 10^th std. He shut his eyes tightly, for one second, trying to wipe off pain.

 

He slowly took the papers out of the file. “Shalini, I talked to kids. Now I have to talk to you. I know you will be the best in your senses, only now. When I come back at night, you are usually totally unconscious. So I have to talk to you now. Shalini, are you listening?”

He put the papers in the table, near the half empty Gin bottle, and leaned towards her.

(…continued in Part-2 ..)

 

Thorns among roses!

It took some more incidents to make me realize again (after ‘n’ number of times) that there are 2 sides for every coin. I came here to kerala, just to take a break from my office work and from the responsibility of a homemaker. But now, I realize that I was better off there, Ireland in my happy life with my hubby. Apart from the nice thoughts of having food from amma’s hand and enjoying numerous tv channels, I honestly didn’t have any bad picture inside my head.

Ok, I am coming to the point. It’s the infamous family politics, which exist everywhere. Even before I came here, I had decided not to visit my relatives, cos of their extreme quality in presenting thorns covered with rose petals. We both decided that together on the light of our previous experiences.  So when my parents asked me to visit them, I said a blunt NO and when my hubby’s parents asked him, he too did the same.

Everything was ok, till my dad literally tricked me into meeting some of them.  You can read what happened.

/******************************************************************/

Aunty: Oh….I was thinking about you and wondering why you haven’t come.

Me: *Smiles*

 

Aunty: so, how’s life there? Now that everyone says you have bought a house there, do you think you will settle in Ireland? **mocking laugh**

Me: Aunty, the mortgage is for 35 yrs, we can sell it and come back, anytime I want.

 

Aunty: Oh…so as it’s a small house,(4 bed roomed house, is not small for me) may be you can sell and  buy a big house later.

Me: *being deaf*

 

Aunty: What did you feel when you came here? Did you like kerala? Didn’t u feel it filthy, dusty?

Me: **oh there she starts again** I don’t feel anything different..

 

Aunty: Why didn’t you bring your husband? We all would loooove to see him…**chuckles**

*** some history here…she was the prominent one in pitying my dad, saying “didn’t he find any one other than that guy (my husband) to get his daughter married? What was he thinking at that time? What did he do? Was he crazy??? “***(I heard that)

 

Dad interrupts: he has gone to his home, cos they are buying a property there.

 

Aunty: Yea, its good for you guys to make a house here, instead of having one there, in Ireland (!).

 

Dad: it’s not for a house. It’s a row of shops in ********. It was my son-in-law’s dad’s property. He had to sell it when there was financial trouble. Now he wants to get it back. So he is buying it. Its near ****** junction. The road goes round it. And it costs ******.

 

She suddenly cuts in between.

Aunty: “Oh. I just remembered, wont ur husband gets a transfer to anywhere from Ireland? “

Me: ***when did I tell her, that we don’t want to live in Ireland?***

Aunty, we have almost settled there. Now if he gets a transfer it will be difficult. We don’t need it. And what about my job, if he gets transferred? I have my job, too, there. We are OK there.

 

She cuts again.

Aunty: But what’s life without being socializing with keralites?

Me: **when did she start worrying about my socializing***

Its ok, aunty…life is good there.

 

Now, she comes to my looks and dressing..

Aunty: What do you wear in ur office? Do you wear pants? **Scrutinizing my salwar**

Me: **from where does she get those ideas**

I nods silently.

 

Aunty: Swathi, you look sooo different. You doesn’t look like the old swathi, at all..

(was it good intention or bad, I don’t know)

Me: **smiles**

 

Aunty: Swathi, as years go by, you don’t look ur age. You look younger and younger ***clearly with a frown***

 

(Now, I was fuming with anger against my dad, who made me participate in this weird interview)

 

Me: Aunty, do you have any problem with that? What’s wrong in that? When people elder than me, tries their best to look younger (hope she got the thorn!!!), I should be proud of my looks, that I don’t look 29!!!

 

Aunty: Yea, but still its not good…u have to look ur age.

 

At his point, I really wanted to shout at my dad, for making me witness this, and decided that I will never go out again with him, till I reach back home (!!), in Ireland!

/******************************************************************/

Note: this aunt is a working NRI (non residential Indian), who has been in Middle East, for more than 20 yrs. Her kids are studying there and even in her 50’s she wears salwars, dye her hair and wears make up and high heels. When I don’t see any thing wrong in her, I don’t know why, she is so pissed off at me, who went to Ireland just 2 yrs back. I guess this is part of “family politics”!!!!!!

She did the same when I came last time. Its in here. 

 

...and then came the surprise

Yes and finally I reached home after 7 long months!! Having continuous 3 transit flights (Dublin-bahrain-muscat-trvm), with 2 hrs each in between, is it grueling? It was for me…I had to run virtually from one flight to another. And the result: 2 completely swelled legs and ankles!!! [*I don’t know how those frequently flying executives manage!!!*] But I shouldn’t complain about that cos I didn’t miss my flights, nothing hazardous happened, nor any problem anywhere. Apart from the new EU rule of not allowing toiletries! They threw away my hubbies homeo medicine for rheumatism! They couldn’t understand what was homeo medicine !!! I believe that’s cos of the ‘alcohol’ content!!

Ok…ok..now talking about the positive side…

Immigration was ok. We got our luggage w/o any problem, and got out thru green channel. They didn’t even scan them thru X-ray machines. (trivandrum airport!).
While waiting for our luggage, I was thinking about Rajashree, and scanned everywhere for the tall Colonel there. No..no one taller than 5 7” (except my hubs in 6 ft) in the vicinity. Ahhh…how could he come, he is in Cochin, and I am in Trivandrum.

When I got out, I was searching for my amma. And yeaa….I found them…
While I was walking to them, finding my way /pushing thru the rush at arrivals…. Some one came running to me… “swathi….” And seeing that person, realization struck me like (exceptionally bright) lightening. Oh….my… God (*just like Janice in F.R.I.E.N.D.S*) . It was… it was… it was….
No, I am not telling whom I saw…. Let you guys suffer like I did.

I don’t have words to describe my feeling. I saw the person (of course my y360, friend!) of whom I was one of the biggest fans!!! I was stammering…ahh…oh….how…I didn’t even see my parents… I was shocked, taken aback… whom I am seeing!!!! Yea…the unquestioned leader of the RBB (red brick brigade!!!!!) . I don’t know how wide my mouth gaped…I even don’t know if I stopped breathing for a while!!! [*infact I did, certainly*]

She came, and I was in a daze. Then I saw Col uncle. Then I wanted to introduce them, to my amma and hubs. Amma of course didn’t know!!! She asked her “how did you know, swathi?” my hubs remembered.. Cos we had plans to visit her house, so I had given him even her address!!!

When I saw her, I couldn’t even think that she was 47. What I saw was a very gorgeous woman. Hey..hey…those guys who call her aunty, (manu), take my word…she may just look 3-4 years elder to you. That’s all…. Her skin was glowing…her complexion was flawless… now don’t think that I am writing this to describe her… but I have to write that!!! She is an absolutely gorgeous lady!!!!

Anyway I introduced her as “shailaja aunty”. She was chirping…and I wasn’t still awake from the daze…she told me that Sankaran was there in Trivandrum. But I couldn’t meet him. I had to go to my hubby’s house, first, and be there for 2 days. I didn’t know that Sankaran would come that day!!!! I couldn’t talk to her for more than 3-4 minutes… I had to go to my hubby’s house. I thot that I would surprise her with my visit, un announced. But she outdid me..and that too in the most pleasant way, one can ever do…
Thank you a lot shail…u literally made that memorable…thanks a million from the bottom of my heart….and Col. uncle..thanks a lot for coming to the airport…. I know, if it was not for you, I wouldn’t have got the biggest surprise in my life! You are the best husband!!!
((((HUGS))))) to you.. I loved the way you, surprised me…..
I am at total loss for words, for the surprising happiness you gave me!!!!! You are superb!!!!

My first video blog

My first video blog.... Hot air Balloon Festival sep 25-27, 2006

ps:pls ignore the audio....that was me and hubby practising commentary!!!!





[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v7grm-R3WM]

Slán agat....till dec 5,2006

Viewer discretion recommended!!!!
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OK...I am leaving....and this (true)image of mine is what I am leaving in all my 360 friends'

 minds, till I reach my home and set up my (hopefully!!!!) working modem and computer

 again.... yea..yea..i know...its still dial-up!!!

Bye...till December second week, I guess!!!!
PS: shail, devi...beware!!!

These are the few of my favourite things...

Finally I am going home. “Finally” may sound long. But actually it’s been only 6 months, since I have been away from home.  I was shuttling b/w home and here (I still prefer to call India, my home) from Aug 2005. So I didn’t really know homesickness then! At that time, I was “hubby-sick”.

Being a lazy ass by birth, I hate to cook and shop for groceries and everything to make a house, home. If some one else can do it for me, I would be the happiest soul on earth. But unfortunately for me it doesn’t work that way, when you are not with your parents.

 

Just one more day, and I am on my way to home…and then…

 

I can wake up at 11 am and eat break fast on my bed, and not worry about turning on heater and running to office at 9am.

 

I can browse up to 50 Indian channels instead of watching even the Malayalam adverts in the only mallu channel here, Asianet!

 

I can eat dosa and chammanthi and appam and mutta curry! (gulping the saliva!) (I don’t know how to make those, yet!)

 

I can eat (amma’s) cheera thoran, aviyal, theeyal, pulisserry instead of those craps I cook with potato and aubergines and carrots!

 

I can finally stop eating meat for one month, as I get my favourite vegetable dishes instead of lettuce and spring onion salads.

 

I can eat vazhakkappam and uzhunnuvada….

 

I can eat chambavu rice instead of the basmati I over-cook every day, here!

 

I can eat soft whole wheat chappathi, instead of the fragile East End aata roti!

 

I can sweat, in the sun and after that I can bathe in cold water!!!

 

I can walk barefoot (my feet hasn’t seen sunlight for past 6 mths) and walk around wearing cotton clothes, instead of two layers heavy jumpers!

 

I don’t have to worry about doing laundry, or making list of groceries or vacuuming or scrubbing kitchen sink, or even putting the oven on fire (pssst I did that last week when a bottle of oil spilled on oven-top and set it on fire!!!)

 

I can read those glossy Malayalam magazines, and hear crows and be in the midst of all kinds of noise…

 

I can visit my soon-to-be-mom sister (cousin) and check how huge she has grown! (she wasn’t married when I came here)

 

I can wear gorgeous salwars…churidars….and try amma’s silk saris… and dump my jeans and trousers.

 

I can attend my two cousins’ weddings and try to put jasmine flowers on my short hair (!) and eat paayasam with bolee.

 

I can go to the Shiva temple, walking!! (Hope people won’t bother me with questions).

 

If this is what I want just after 6 mths, I don’t know what my hubby wants who is going home after 2 long years! He has been counting days since we booked the ticket on this august.

Before I say bye to Athlone!

Before I leave Athlone, on 23 rd and celebrate my christmas in Kerala and eventually new year in my flight back, we finally got out of the warmth of our home...

 In this horrible weather, we had to do shopping before we go home...

Here christmas has come so soon....even before the autumn ended....

Shopping complexes, completely decorated with christmas trees....






Those reindeers actually were moving....(i dont know how they did that!!!)

.....and finally this is me after trying out the MAYBELLINE - XXL Volume & Length Mascara, I bought.....
pssst............I (desperately!!!!) wanted to get that Aishwariya Rai eyelashes, they showed in the ad...but looks as if I need false lashes to get even 1% near it!!! :-(

I should have bought 1.2 kg Quality Street chocolates, for that 10€ I spent on that!!!!