| 03_Itni_Shakti_Hum... |
Some habits of us last for a life time, while some change drastically or even turn into extreme opposite, after some incidents.
Till I was 23, I was never ever afraid of darkness. I mean I didn’t have any problem roaming in terrace alone, even at 2am midnight, in a new moon day. It started when I was in 10th and had to study late night. I used to sleep at 7pm and then get up at 12 and then study. Sometimes I went to terrace to study. I didn’t know what fear was…. Till….
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I used to be in this hostel, which was attached to a convent. It had acres of land around it and there were missing compound walls too. We also didn’t have a security guard. Our room was very small and congested and stuffy with almost zero air-flow. It was a single room, turned into double, by pushing two cots into the place of one, naturally for more profit. As me and my roomie were thin, we could move around with less banging into each other. But whenever a third person came into the room, it was trouble. One of us had to “fly over the beds” which meant, to walk over the cots to reach outside. I am not exaggerating, the room was that small.
As it was Onam holidays, most of the girls had gone home, including my roomie. I was working and didn’t have holidays. I was alone and was enjoying that tiny room to all by myself. I usually sleep with my head near the window, but that night somehow I slept the opposite way. My feet were near the window. And above all, I forgot to latch the window, I had just closed it.
At 4am (later I checked the clock), I felt uncomfortable in sleep and opened my eyes, to find a man towering over me, looking me with intent eyes. He was silently staring at me. My brain went numb.
Where am I?
How came a man, in my room?
What was he doing?
What did he do, to me?
Didn’t I put the latch? …..
A thousand questions popped inside my head. I was literally frozen. As the room was tiny, the man seemed to be inside my room, but in fact he was outside my room, standing up on my window, which made him tower over me. So in my dazed feeling, I didn’t see the window bars that separated us. For me, it was just like he inside my room. A scream was caught inside my throat and I couldn’t move my body. Seconds passed by. And then he made a move. That movement of him shook me out of my numbness. In a fraction of a second, I just sprang from bed, went near the man (yes, I went near the man!!), banged the windows close, and ran away from my room, all the time screaming at the top of my voice. Actually the sound of my scream made me realize that I was still alive!
I couldn’t stop myself from screaming for the next 10 minutes. My scream echoed all thru the convent and sisters came running to hostel (in their nightclothes without veil!). I couldn’t talk. My throat was sore, cos my scream was so much high pitched! After half an hr, and after 3 glasses of water, finally I could speak. Of course, sisters didn’t care. They told that it was common that men/thieves came to girls’ hostel (!). They scolded me for not putting the window latch.
That morning, I went home and told dad my experience and he wanted me to move into another secure hostel.
But things didn’t end there.
I became paranoid of windows. Once I had gone to bed, I started checking closed (and latched) windows every 5 minutes, even at home. I would imagine latch coming lose from windows and go again to check it. I started screaming saying that I saw shadows moving thru windows. Amma lost sleep cos of my daily screaming. So she asked me not to close my room, so that she can check on me. That caused more trouble, cos I started screaming when she came to my room, to check, even in my sleep. I could sense her “footsteps”. This phenomenon lasted for over a year, and later lost its intensity. But never could I go to terrace alone after 7pm, again. I was always thinking of someone lurking behind my shadows.
Later I heard that my experience became a story in hostel, to be told when girls didn’t put latch on their windows!!!
Even now, I am scared of darkness. And I know my fear-less days of solitude in terrace are gone forever now. Thanks to that strange psycho!
And to think that I am even writing a blog on him!!
Yesterday Anooj aka Sheikhmon asked me why the Valentine storm didn’t reach my page (missing red colour, red rose, red hearts, or even a post about love/Valentines’ day). I answered him that I quit celebrating this day after my first break-up. Of course , that was just to shut him up. (He didn’t shut up..that was another issue!). But his question just hit me. So yesterday evening when we went to TESCO, I decided to try. This is the conversation that took place, as its result.
Me: You know every husband will buy his wife some gifts today.
Him: Why today?
Me: Tomorrow is Feb 14 th.
Him: So?
****my god, doesn’t he see all those red balloons and those huge hoardings on special offers on Valentine’s day gifts and those huge teddies with I-love-you ,all over the place?****
Me: Feb 14th is Valentine’s day.
Him: What’s that?
**** God, sorry, I did a mistake. Why did you give me this big mouth? ****
Me:***patiently and hopefully*** It’s the day to express love for your love, by buying gifts
Him: OK.
****5 minutes silence****
Me: So…ahem…. are you going to buy some thing for me?
Him: Why?
Me: Everybody does that. **God, do I sound desperate? ***
Him: hmmm….
Me: ***softly *** How about that teddy, on that display?
Him: Are you crazy? Its 12€. You want me to waste 12 € for some stupid day?
Me: OK, then what about those flowers?
Him: Swathi, you want me to waste money on flowers that withers away within hrs?
Me: OK. then may be something cheaper? **God can I bury my head inside earth, please? ***
Him: Like what?
Me: Small teddies may be? *** Do I have anything called p-r-i-d-e, left in me?***
Him: OK, if its under 5€.
*** 5€? Even a decent chocolate box costs 7€****
Me: **wearing that drama-queen mask** Don’t you think that its so pitiful for me to ask you to buy me something on Valentine’s day? I didn’t get anything from any boys on this day, even while I was in college and now I have only you, to ask.****sniffing*** And now, you don’t even want to buy me anything. O god! I will never get any love-gift in my life for Valentine’s day. Will this wish of mine, die with myself? ***eying him to see, if there is any effect, on his face ***
Him: **smiling** You wanted a teddy, isn’t it? I knew that earlier. Why couldn’t you tell me that directly, instead of going through all this?
***by this time we reached the aisle full of I-love-you teddies***
Him: Go on…take, whatever you want!
Me: ***smiling from ear to ear***I just wanted to hear that from you.
**checking price-tag** Oh! Its very costly. Why waste money on such things!!! Lets go and buy some groceries !!!
Him: Are you sure?
Me: Of course, I am. Also those teddies don’t look handsome!
And that’s how my Valentine’s day shopping ended!!!
Anooj, Now tell me, don’t you think that its a good thing that we (me and hubby) are actually respecting St. Valentine by NOT celebrating His day? LOL!!!
PS: For those who couldn't find anything funny in this, read THIS.
For past 2-3 days I was seeing an ad in the Irish TV channels RTE 1and RTE 2. It captured my eye and ears because it was an urge “to hold 24 hr fast for the poor children in INDIA”. And they showed India’s map with TamilNadu and Orissa highlighted. They also showed pictures of poor Indian children.
You can find more about it in here >>>>
http://www.trocairefast.ie/24hr/index.php/site/fast/do_the_fast
Now pls don’t take me in the wrong way. I am only proud and happy to know that Irish people are doing at least that for the poor Indian children. OK now some of you guys will be thinking "once she became an NRI she started praising Ireland/Irish". But honestly the truth lies somewhere in between and I truly FEEL about this.
Did any one see Chandra’s blast? It was about signing an on-line petition against the hell load of red-tape issues that is associated with when an NRI tries to adopt an Indian child. I know very rarely Indians adopt Indian children. In fact in my circle of friends and relatives, I know only 3 families who did that, and who suffers for that, noble deed of them. But that’s not the case with NRIs. (I am excluding Middle East countries, cos those countries won’t allow adoption at all! Correct me, if I am wrong).
NRIs from US and Europe are in a better position to adopt children from India. Financially and socially there isn’t any taboo in those countries against adoption. This is said, cos I have personally witnessed mocking of an adopted child in a family, who lived next door to mine in India.
The present social service schemes in India cannot cover for the huge Indian population, especially the needy children who are left homeless. I don’t blame our government for that cos its so huge!!!
But my question is when an NRI tries to help his home-country in his own way, why crush their spirits with the bureaucracy. I am NOT telling about US/European citizens of Indian origin. I am telling about those NRIs who still have Indian passports/citizenship, but working abroad. Why they are NOT treated as Indians?
I took adoption as an eg: cos that’s where I found the discrimination. I am not an NRI investor, so I don’t know about that. There may be more areas where NRIs face this.
The procedure for an NRI to adopt an Indian child is SAME as when a foreigner (non-Indian citizen) trying to adopt the same. Can you believe that? I didn’t believe that when I found that out! I really couldn’t. An NRI’s Indian Passport seemed to have zero value!!! Ie even with Indian passports I will be considered as Irish, only!!!
(Damn, then why should I say , proud to be Indian?)
This is the 8 step long procedure for that process: http://www.adoptionindia.nic.in/carahome.html
Do you know how many years of prospective parents and children are lost in this long red tape tangle? And above all it is happening to Indians with Indian passports!!! If Indians cannot adopt Indian children, who else will!!!!
Its OK if we cant give home to all home-less children in India. But why try to cut those hands that are willing to help? There are numerous illegal child-trafficking going inside India. And those who want to adopt legally and kept under the doubt of child trafficking. Come on, they have Indian passports, and using that, any kind of back ground information on them is available. Why ? WHY this discrimination to NRIs???
This blog, I wrote for Chandra’s friend who is residing in US (with Indian passport)
She writes:
We have been in the process of adopting our daughter (who
> > will turn 2 years old next month) since 2005 (over 18 months now).
> > We
> > waited a full year for a referral and have been waiting 5 months
> > after accepting the referral for a No-Objection Certificate from
> > CARA (a govt agency in India) because the license of our agency in
> > India expired in November and it is still in the process of being
> > renewed.
> >
> > Please support this petition at http://www.Petition Online.com/
> > RIPANOC/petition .html and forward to your friends.
> >
> > No child should have to live in an institution for a minute longer
> > than is absolutely necessary. And no parents should have to go
> > through the agony that we have lived through in the last few
>months.
If anyone who read this, truly understood my feelings for her as well for any NRI adoptive parents pls sign this online petition. Your contribution may make a difference in a child’s life. Please…
http://www.PetitionOnline.com/RIPANOC/petition.html
Note: Some friends asked me if I wrote this cos I don't have kids(ref: prev blog!). I can answer that certain things touch our mind,very strongly that you feel a shock. But it shouldn't touch everyone like that . Its not my fault nor theirs. Thats how the world works!
note: NRI- Non Residential Indian
Its such a mystery to me, sometimes why some people think in a particular way, I mean different from the majority. Some of those thoughts can have good effect on others as well as for themselves, while some wont be not so good in their effects on others.
It was our friend’s kid’s first birthday and they arranged a small party. We are not party animals, mainly because of the work schedule we are in. On weekends, I just want to be at home, in its warmth, with a cup of hot chocolate, watching TV. That’s my idea of heaven. And I cant be blamed if I prefer indoors, at this extreme -6 deg Celsius outside temperature. So even if my husband is working on weekends, it doesn’t affect me. One advantage of working outside home everyday is that you want to spend every free time at your home.
Ok. So we went to this kiddies party and I think there were some 8 to 9 kids, and all were toddlers, below 2 yrs of age. They were all running and screaming and banging into doors and each other and I didn’t know how time passed, watching them. It was amazing the way they socialised, each one so different from other! They were from India, Malaysia, S.Africa, Ireland, and from former USSR.
So when it was time to go, I didn’t find my husband and his friends there. So we (his colleague’s wife and myself) got worried and I called him on his cell. She didn’t have her cell so she was also waiting for my answer about where her husband was. Then we came to know that they have gone out and will be back in some 10 minutes. They came back after some 5 minutes. Soon one guy (we were seeing him for the first time, he was our friend’s friend‘s friend) came to me and told “ What do you think, that some one will kidnap your husband? Why do you call, when he hangs out with us? You know what, you need a kid, to keep your mind off your husband!”. and with those words he thrust his 1 yr old baby girl into my hands. He spoke to me in Malayalam. (he is not an Indian but he knows a lot of languages!). I was shocked at first, but his baby girl was so cute that I didn’t want to remember his words when I carried her.
I didn’t want to reply him or complain about him to our host and ruin their baby’s birthday party. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut saves a lot of unwanted attention towards you. After all, the place was full of toddlers. But his words actually enhanced my doubt about the way some people think differently.
One year back, when my cousin was about to have a baby, I sent him my congrats. And in reply he told “swathi, she (his wife)was getting into my nerves with her nagging. I got so pissed off that having a baby was the only way out. She didn’t have a job and if she had a baby, her hands will be full, and she may leave me on my own. “. I got the shock of my life, hearing this from my very own cousin. It was the first time, I was hearing that “logical reason” for having a baby. Of course with his character, I wasn’t expecting an “I love babies” answer but this one, “to keep my wife occupied, so that she wont bother me??” sounded “pathetic” with a capital ‘P’ to me!!! And today, this man’s words was a gentle reminder to me that “such school of thoughts” do exist!!!
My only answer to him would be “Even if she has 10 kids, I don’t think any woman will stop worrying about her husband, when she doesn’t know where he went. And yea, I think I will be one among them, too!”
Even now I am thinking, why do some people (including my cousin) think so differently? What if his wife came to know that he told me that his baby was going to be a freedom-from-nagging-wife-equipment for him? Some people really are p-a-t-h-e-t-I-c!
Note: It was true that his wife didn't even ask a question about him, when we were worrying about our husbands!
This is my new entertainment equipment. Mainly used for prying, nature watching, sight seeing. I loved this when I tried to see my friend’s facial expression on next cabin, while she was fighting with her wet key board! Awesome!!
Advantage: Always makes you smile, because chances are 100% that you will find a new ‘view’, every time you use it! Guaranteed entertainment!
Risks: Can be hazardous to health!Try it on your own risk. Dont sue me for any accidents.
When you know you can’t get it, or it’s impossible to get it, then you feel like having it badly…..really very badly… this phenomenon is there for everything, especially when it comes to the matter with foods. If your doctor prevents you from eating it, then you need it…that means you MUST and SHOULD have it! I have noticed this tendency in my mom,…and now in myself , *winks*.
This time it’s not any doctor or something. This is about the food you get here. First of all I don’t like to eat what I cook. No. It’s not because it’s that bad. [FYI, its OK!! There are living specimens who have tried my food!]. It’s because I am the sole witness in all its phases, that once it becomes edible, I don’t want it, anymore. There’s no excitement left in having it. So I make lunch (biriyani/ rice &curry/fried rice etc) and pack it for my husband. And at lunch time, I eat from the restaurant here. Typical Irish food, mostly, grilled lamb/beef/pork with sauce and mashed /baby potatoes and steamed veggies. My husband doesn’t like it, but I love it mainly because somebody is preparing it for me and I have the excitement of eating it, by NOT witnessing the process behind it! Wow! That’s what I call the pleasure of eating!
Evening, as usual I cook dinner and my hubby eats it. And what’s for me?? On our way back home, when the car reaches the Chinese/Thai take-away “Weng Garden”, I look hopefully at my hubby’s face, and yeaa….. I get one pack from there!!!! My mom says this is a horrible habit, especially from a woman/wife, who is supposed to manage house hold [oh! By the way, she meant me!]. But I defend myself “I cook…for him, but I want some one to cook for me” ***she thinks it’s totally weird***. When I told my colleague, that I cook and pack lunch for my hubby and eat myself from the restaurant she gave me this “you-have-got-some-serious-problem” look!! Does anyone understand my need to be fed other than by myself?? NO…no one..…
Now there is happy news for me. They have opened an Indian take-away near our office..aaahhh…. its heaven!! I get all kebabs, and tikkas and tandooris and naans…wow!!!
Here there are some 2-3 Indian restaurants, but they use a lot of cooking sauce in dishes, instead of Indian spices, that it turns out to be a kind of Indo-Irish dishes, rather than “Indian” or “Irish”. So we avoid them! Why create a bad name to Indian/Irish dishes? It’s better to try Irish dishes or Chinese o Thai rather than trying a mixture of Irish and Indian. But this new place seems to be good…I loved the naan… and the price is also reasonable…comes under 5€.
Even today, I have lamb fried rice at home, but I am eating chicken tikka and naaan, from that take-away…
My mom will kill me, if she sees this…but after all when you badly need it, you MUST have it…
The first thing my manager showed me, in this office was "The Coffee dock". I think, it was even before he showed me my seat.
Thankfully, it wasn’t one of those coffee vending machines, I hated. I used to see it everywhere I worked, and I hated it mainly ‘cos, once I happened to see its cleaning process. When they removed the whitener container, I saw white worms in it!!!
Aaarrrghh.... After that I never used a coffee vending machine. God,
Save all those who drink from it!
Now our coffee dock is actually as big as a meeting room. We have 3 brands of coffee: Gold Blend, Maxwell House, a decaf(decaffeinated) and the strong java one which is used in the decanter. Yea, we have the coffee-filtering machine (psst....I checked how it works..it doesn’t lodge worms!). Then we have tea bags, ordinary and green tea. For sugar we have, brown sugar (not 'the' dope one..lol) , white, and those zero calorie sweetener. And one more, drinking chocolate...
Apart from all these, we have a refrigerator (full of fresh milk, in bottles) a microwave oven, and a big kettle, in our coffee dock. I know, with all these stuff, even if you get locked up here for 3-4 days u can survive ....lol!!
We consume coffee like hell.. I don’t know why, every single person in my office, averages about 7-8 cups a day! For me it comes about 4-5. When my migraine started bothering me, I switched to decaf. But as some one told "drinking decaf is like, kissing your sister", so platonic and plain!!! Lol!
One thing I notices now is that my teeth are turning yellower and yellower...and surprisingly, they don’t provide teeth whitener, along with coffee..
Lately, I bought 3 plain coffee mugs and markers made especially for writing on glossy clay. The purpose: to reveal the artistic, wise and creative me, inside (who has been sleeping, for years!). The only thing missing now is inspiration, to make me do it.
Once I get that, (I still have +ve feelings!) With every cup of coffee, I shall have words of wisdom, drip inside my brain! (apart from more yellowy teeth!)
pic courtesy: http://www.coffee-house.org.uk/
in case any one find it from any other site..LOL!
Ok, this is about the woes of being a working mommy. Now before other mommies who work at home abuse me, I want to make myself clear that wh...
