Laughing It Off
COURT TRANSCRIPTS
Source:Internet
COURT TRANSCRIPTS
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court: Legal Laughs, Court Jests and Just Jokes Culled from the Nation's Justice System"and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th.
Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Source:Internet
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
ReplyDeleteBest Comeback i ever read.
Nice find
lol. can't believe people actually asked them..was smiling to myself when i was reading.
ReplyDeletenice blog,
ReplyDeletecan't stop laughing !!! haha hahaha
ReplyDeletehahaha very nice and hilarious,Did you actually pass the bar exam? asked by doctor is very hilarious,now we should also ask the same question to the lawer who asked the questions.very nice one swathi
ReplyDeleteThis was gooooooodd! ROFL!!!
ReplyDeleteIs this real? I mean I cant believe that people talk like this in court! I have seen it in comedy shows.... never expected this sort of scenes to happen in reality!
LOL
Hi Sister
ReplyDeleteI already have this in my Blog... nobody read it then... I got this i think in the reader's digest site....
anyways... glad to see u blogging again...
roshan
tht was very very fun...girly i m rollin with laughter..=))
ReplyDeletehilarious ones...cant stop laughing....sounds like all from indian cinemas lol
ReplyDeletelol very funny ones swathi.
ReplyDeletethe last one.. Ooops still laughingggggggggggg...........
ReplyDeleteSo funny, especially since its true!!!
ReplyDeleteha ha....funnnnny
ReplyDeleteRead these before, but still funny. lol
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who's a cop, kind of unrelated, but still has to do with "law"... Anyway, he had told me once that when they have a warrant on somebody, sometimes they'll just call them (the perpertrator) up and tell him he won the lottery or something and to come pick it up at the police station... Now the funny thing about it is that 9 out of 10 of these people would actually go thinking they have won something. LOL!
ha ha ha ha ha im bursting now lol
ReplyDeleteHi guys thanks alot for laughing with me!
ReplyDeleteLISA: ur should be an added one, to this LOL..thanks !
RYNs: Thanks... I read the bible, twice through and I still never picked up where/how they started to repopulate the earth, so I'll keep wondering because I'm not ready to read it for a third time (the first 2 I was 8 and maybe 11 or so).
ReplyDeleteThat woman IS history... That was years back, maybe 10 the most), but you know how some things just stick in your head whether you want them to or not... but that was also around the time when it was shown a lot on TV people bashing the handicapped for having kids... Real ignorant people, so when I encounter them it just pisses me off more.
As for Hindi movies, yes, for the most part I understand them by subtitles, but some words I do know because I am studying the language, and Telugu... Telugu because that's what Prasad, Chandrasekhar and some of my other friends speak... Christine had bought me a Hindi book to learn from because they didn't have any books on Telugu (I was actually learning that one first) when we were down south and Prasad actually got mad (in a joking kind of way) because she got me Hindi instead of Telugu... She told me to tell him he should be happy she at least thought about him... It was all in a joking manner... one of those instances where you just had to be there. :-)
Anyway, I babbled enough, so I will end this now. :-)
Oh... I'm here for some more babbling... You know what else I forgot to mention? Genesis is learning Hindi too and she of course picks it up a lot quicker than I do because children's minds are like sponges and she is ALWAYS asking me, "When are we getting another Hindi film." She'll even tell me sometimes, "I'm just going to listen to it because I'm too tired to read." :-)
ReplyDeleteBut what I wanted to say too is that we also pick it up by listening to [Hindi] music because I always look for the lyrics (or ask if I can't find) in both Hindi and English, so what better way to learn than to do it by doing it in a way that you like. :-D
Ok, I think I'm done now. :P
hah... Order! Order!
ReplyDeleteBeing a lawyer myself, I can guarantee that this just the tip of the ice berg...the better ones are the untold one!
ReplyDeleteyep funny
ReplyDeleteHiarious ones... good collection :)
ReplyDeletehehe:")can't stop laughing....nice collection:)
ReplyDeleteLast one is damn good Swathi..very good collection of humourous lines from a cort's desk :)
ReplyDelete