There are 2 kinds of friends. One kind: who are your real friends who means ONLY ur good and who support u throughout and loves u like hell (like my ex-room mate priya!) and another kind who “label†themselves as ur friend and who are worse than an enemy. (I am not naming her!) Today I had an encounter with one of such enemy labelled friend.
Every single sentence she used, I could see thorns attached to it. The reasons being different. Some reasons are they may be jealous of ur growth –career or personal or financial etc, or they may be really unhappy with their own life. So they want to make themselves feel good by trying to make u feel inferior.
I never understood this worse-than-enemy-labelled-friend. Once upon a time, I used to get hurt by her words. Ok, that was years ago. But lately I found the real reason behind all those. Its just that the person feels that she is in a worse situation that she cant change and that jealousy takes another form in surfacing up. She comes all the way like “o dear, where have u been?†u will never understand her real intention unless u get into a real conversation, with her. Soon u can see thorns coming at u, in sugar-coated dialogues. Soon, they will start insulting ur career [if she feels inferior to u, in her career] or insulting ur looks [if she feels inferior to u in looks] and ur financial position [if she feels inferior in that].
Once I had a neighbour aunt, who was very dark, and whenever she meets me she used to ask “Oh! darling, u have become so dark!.. What happened to ur face? Why is it so dark and full of pimples? Aren’t u taking care of it? U shud have been using “fair and lovelyâ€â€. You would be confused whether she is really worried about ur face or whether her real intention is to hurt u… I got so upset after every meeting with her, and only lately I found her real intention. And that too, when my hubby told me, about it. [yea, he seems to be an expert in seeing through a person!!!]
Even about this so-called-friend, I used to tell him what all she commented, and he listened and asked me some questions about her life. After hearing my answers he told me why exactly she was behaving that way. And only then it dawned on me, the truth! She was exactly like that aunt of mine! But now it wasn’t color or looks, it was career, finance and family!
So guys and gals beware of those aunts and friends!! If you get insulted by them, just realise that in reality, u r just being the one of the preys of jealousy!! Just feel pity for them… nothing more!
Am i one !...hmmmm !...i donno !...every one is a bit !...but this was too much !..
ReplyDeletehuh! thats so true! have experienced something like this too..!
ReplyDeletevery true...I too had experianced like this....
ReplyDeleteSo true!!! I think almost everyone has had an experience like that..
ReplyDeleteI have a so called friend who even before saying hello says, "What happened you look so look so tanned? My reply to this was, 'enjoying summers girl... not gonna hide in my house to save my compexion"...
ReplyDeleteDid I call her a friend? Sorry she ain't.
Swati you said it well right down to the reason for their doing so... but guess what, it's their problem not ours... don't think too much about these small-minded folks!!
I am coming too strong on this one, but can't help it.. I have had enough of so-called friends who are so jealous of everything you have... and don't miss every chance to pull you down.
Reminds me of one such Aunt of mine, and her daughter too.. I spend two years of LLb staying with'em..
ReplyDeletelife was hell (or even hell sounds better)....
These people are God send lessons to make us realise how it hurts.....
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You hit the nail right on the head... I'm sure you heard the saying, "Misery loves company" and I believe that's why people who do nothing but put others down, it's because they're not happy with themselves or what's going on in their lives... So you're right, it's just plain jealousy/envy and nothing more.
ReplyDeleteso true!! it has happened to me too..
ReplyDeleteWell Said Swats! Met loads of those kind and always showed my tongue to their backs! lol, some people have no life...
ReplyDeleteWell. so many of us in the same boat here. I have this relative who, whenever she sees me says "Ayyayyo, Enthu patti?? Karuthu karivalichu poyallo!! Sukhammillayrunno??"(means you have become so dark, were you sick??)in such a tone that for a second, you feel something is definitely wrong with you.
ReplyDeleteLolz...But in just such a second you know too...Naah! Its their way of talking to try and make you feel bad. Try, thats all they can do!! lolz
You have finished your blog with a good message. Thank you Swathi
ReplyDeleteI didn't encounter this situation. Anyway my option is, we dont need to consider their words ;)
ReplyDeleteSo tru Swathi ....so true!!!!! I have a friend right now... who has such a problem.....i will refer ur blog to her....
ReplyDeleteHmm.... this is true. I've never thought in this angle. I mean, when I get insulted for no fault of mine, usually due to the anger which arises from that, I was never able to think logically the real buried reason why they do it... plain jealousy. Now I got it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have met certain people who deliberately make you feel inferior to them or uncomfortable. Even in this case, the true reason why they behave like that is, in someway they feel threatened by you.
And the funny thing is, usually we get upset after having a conversation with them, that we never think in this direction! *smiles*
-AM
yeah swathi u r very true we have to feel pity on them thats all,as i too have those so called frnds ,i was hurted by them many times as i am very sensitive but after seeing reality i felt pity on them and i never minded their words and even ignored them.
ReplyDeleteask me about how cruel friends could be...... you have rightly named them as "Enemy Labelled Friends"
ReplyDeleteHo Hummmm... that was a finished and done with chapter of my life.... your blog brought back all those bittersweet memories of my life.
Inspite of what happened before, I still meet people like the ones you have mentioned above. I think to myself that they are comparing themselves to me. Just to see if they can match my standards or not. LOL...
It's difficult to control or change the way people behave around us. But we can certainly control the way we feel about them.
cheeeeze---u havent behaved like that yet... but ask me, i know a person like that for past 11 yrs and she is still around! he he ... may be even reading this blog!
ReplyDeletejanu, anu, florossel--hi dear,join the club!
Sab--u r sooo right! i was too naive when i met her 11 yrs back, but now by Gods grace, i am not soo naive.. i know exactly whats bothering her to talk/chat like that! yea, i just wanted to let her know that i know her real "feeling", thru this blog! LOL!
Pink---u r right, in a way, dear!
Lisa--- sure .. "Misery DO love company".. and she is so desperate to pull me down to feel her misery... but how can she succeed, when i know what she needs! its just plain envy... the problem of seeing others having a better life!!
Ishrah--thats whay i wrote this... for her to read and for others to see the truth!
jodhi--u r very true!
shail---i ahve heard this sentence uncountable times in my life!!! u r damn right!
sekhar--thanks alot!
JK--as u can see most ppl encounter such waste ppl in their life... so u too beware?
Roshan--thats so good! i ahve written this blog and dedicated them to those "friends", including mine LOL!
Aswathy---i was also just like you... never thot like this... may be cos we have same genes! LOL!!!
anyway my hubby is not like me, he is so shrewd that he can always think differently while understanding ppl. i came to know the reason of her behaviour from him! yea, they DO deliberately make u feel inferior--only for their satisfaction.. just keep that it mind, dear! and YES, THEY DO FEEL THREATENED BY YOU!
praveen---*smiles* dont worry....we are never alone in that!
arfana--dear, i hope that so called friend read this.. (even my blog, is a matter to make me feel inferior to her!) and u r right "they just want to see if they can match ur standards or not. " *hugs*
And then there's the male perspective on this growing up - which is that I was clueless. People said things to me and about me, and it was like water off a duck's back. Not because I understood the real intention and then let it go but because I just didn't get it.
ReplyDeleteMy middle sister was the source of a lot of negative attention from my aunt (mom's sister). I used to support my sister and we used to joke about it when my aunt was gone, but I could tell that it hurt my sister deeply.
These days I am more aware of what people say and why. I think though that because of being brought up a minority in Sri Lanka, I grew up keeping a lot of my feelings to myself. It's just in the last few years that I'm learning how to talk and write about how I feel.
Good post Swathi. It brought back a lot of things to think about.
"... but how can she succeed, when i know what she needs!" <-- I just wanted to say what you said right there... I'm going to keep that in mind, considering my situation... it's very sound advice... Thank you. :-)
ReplyDeleteTruly said! I know people like that always giving taunts and commenting something about you.. I just whisper to myself then don't hate me cuz I'm pretty! LOL.. I used to go to this lady for upper lip and threading, she'd never miss a chance to comment on my skin! One day I got real upset and threw back a line at her saying I pay to do my stuff, not to comment on my skin. There isn't a need for you to be concerned, I've a great dermatologist! Ever since she says hello and always asks how my mom is hehe.. infact she even complimented me later on my skin! Hah! :)
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