The diary of a working mommy....

Ok, this is about the woes of being a working mommy. Now before other mommies who work at home abuse me, I want to make myself clear that what I meant was 'mommies who work both inside home and outside home'. And again it filters to those with no help like nannies, maids or even other family members. (Un)fortunately I belong to that category. And it has been one month since I resumed work. Working full-time, 5days a week, 8 hrs a day(in office), coming back and resuming house-work for another 4 hrs, till I drop down to bed is my routine now. It seems funny, but I get most of my free time in my office. ☺☺☺☺

First phase aka ..and it starts...:

--------------------------------------------

My day starts with alarm going off at 7 am. Half asleep, I try to dress myself and again with that half finished (missing one shoe, one earring, uncombed hair) I run to her crib in next room and try to wake up my 10 mth old wobbler. After 10 mts of daring attempts(sometimes I have to use cold wipes on her eyes!), and another 20 mts of screaming I get thru the process of changing her, wiping last night's milk from her face , dressing her and mainly trying to calm her to avoid my nervous breakdown. Once she is setlled in her swing with her 'monkey', i run to pack up her 'school' bag aka the-supplies-for-creche-bag.

I run thru the message-for-parents section in their book, and try to sort out what all things to be stuffed into it. My list will be :

1. 1 powder dispenser with 4 spoons of Aptamil in 3 sections.


2. 4 ounces of pre-boiled water in 3 separate bottles. (the ratio is 1 spoon: 1 ounce)


3. 2 pairs of spare clothes (in case she poops on her clothes, which happens !).


4. A towel,


5. her jacket,


6. 2 pairs of socks,


7. her soother in a clip, (she takes her anger on it, by throwing it away)


8. 1 bottle of Petits Filous in strawberry flavor(ok, I had trouble in pronouncing it, so here *** http://www.petitsfilous.co.uk/index.php?page=how%20to%20say%20Petits%20Filous&titleID=5&sectionID=1 ***


9.  10 nappies,


10. 1 pkt baby wipes


11. 2 gloves and a cap (knitted), in case they take her outside at 8 deg C! (blame the Irish weather!)


12. her Barney (if not, it is enough for her to kick up a storm).

Then I check my bag; laptop, phone, purse and keys- that's all there. I go back to finish my half-dressed state. Still my left shoe is no where to be seen(must be under some bed). I wash my face in a hurry while talking to my wobbler as she starts screaming, and there goes my left earring thru the drain. Fine, now I have to throw its pair, even if I find it.

Second phase aka Taxiiiiiiiiiiii

-------------------------------------------

My day in office starts with a meeting with my manager at 9:30 am, everyday.(i always wondered why the hell didn't they choose 10 - 10:30am, when I found out that I am the only female in my team. That's what you get for being  a mother!). I don't remember attending the meeting without panting (like a dog) after my marathon-session to meeting room. But anyway, luckily I manage to reach there, in my road-runner mode. If my husband has meetings before me, its a cabbie day for us(me and my wobbler). With my expired motor insurance and tax, I cant drive my car till the end of May. But on second thoughts that would have got me a speeding fine!!!!.

Iif I am lucky, the cabbie turns out  within 7-8 minutes.But then what happens is that he will be wandering inside the residential area  looking for my house number. I run out and frantically waves at him. If he spots me, good, else its another precious 4 minutes wasted.

Now I become the moving coat-hanger. My cranky wobbler and her monkey on my left hip, her bag on my right shoulder, my laptop bag on my right hand, and I am ready to go. Somehow I lock the house, throw the keys somewhere in my bag (which always go missing, after that) and by the time, seeing me over-loaded, the nice cabbie would have mostly opened the door for me.I must say that one day her bottle fell down and rolled under the cab and the poor man has to crawl all the way under his cab, to get it back for me. He didn't want to run over it. The nice man again helps me with the bags, while I get inside with the whimpering wobbler who sensed that she is going to creche.

Leaving her in the creche is long enough for another story. But in few words it would be like, her lips curling down, her eyes brimming, and she holding me tight while the lady over there tries to separate her from me. Now the full screaming starts and when I say 'bye', I get her trademark cold stare thru tears!

Update-->Now she has stopped fighting and seems willingly accepted her life with me!

Now, back inside cab, i check if I have my purse as I have to pay him(one day i even forgot that. Thank God for nice colleagues!). It is there. Now where are my keys? I toss everything and find my keys in some lonesome part of my bag. Pheww...and now I sit back and sigh. The cabbie look at me thru the mirror and says 'Tough day, love?'. I smile..'it is like this, everyday'.

I must say these cabbies are really nice when they see my morning marathon session. Till now, every cabbie who picked me, has charged me 2-3 euros less than what shows up in the meter saying ' That's alright, love..you had a tough morning'

.........and thus my another day starts at office....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The third and the nerve racking session starts at 5pm..but even thinking about it, gives me high blood pressure, and with my high cholesterol, it is not at all good for my heart!!

...................AND, now at 5am, when I see her sleeping peacefully beside me, i feel IT IS ALL WORTH IT, AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO CHANGE A THING OF IT FOR THE WORLD!

♥♥♥JUST the simple pleasure of being a mother♥♥♥.

dedicated to all working moms(living&dead) in this planet   !!!

A mommy note on Mothering Day-month!

29 February 2012 at 11:06:

On the first day of this Mothers day month(which I wasnt aware until I saw those cards on display!)

I must say ,that , with every of my single ‘mothering’ experience for the first time,

I am ermmmmm...happy? ..thrilled?...stressed?....exhausted?...had numerous break-downs?... all of the above?... or just simple plain ‘enlightened’?

Yes exactly. Thats what I feel. All of the above and more and mostly enlightened in a thousand number of ways. And though I think there are going to be many more in the future , the best and probably the most brilliant enlightenment I had, was just a day before.

Yes, mommies, the thing we always...always..always do, and which never ever should have been done. Putting yourself far far away...err...almost to nothing.

Now back to me. I was never ever stayed at home for more than a few months in my life. Not even ,those days when  I started learning alphabets. And here , it is going to be almost a year since I have been a 100% stay-at-home mom. It is so easy to type that line and just looking at my clock which shows 4am, and wondering when my 8 mth old would wake up screaming, I honestly wish if it would have been just 100 times tougher than just ‘typing’.

Last few days, I have lost count of the numerous nervous breakdowns I had, all because of just pushing me to the very end of the queue of my priority list.

Ofcourse I have been always selfish, what else would you expect from an only child? But what would happen when she is left with an only child? Just any mother would do. Pushed every other thing ahead of her, except her needs..

And the result???  I felt sick almost everyday leaving my little girl scared, insecure and cranky. And I was like ‘ For once, I stopped being selfish and here I fall sick always!’. And only today I realised that I was making the BIG MOMMY mistake. By being selfless, I was actually being more and more selfish to my baby. I felt sick continously, and was unfit to feed her, change her, play with her. I didnt eat sometimes for more than 24 hrs, postponing it, doing my MOMMY chores one

after another. And I thought I was being the GOOD MOMMY.

No I wasn't. I was actually being the BAD MOMMMY, by making myself not available to my baby, when she truly needed me. And yes, that is THE enlightenment I got today.

Lesson : Healthy, happy babies are not born like that. They are raised to be so,by a healthy happy MOMMY, and not by a sick, weak MOMMY. Yes that was the truth.

And by putting myself last in my TO-DO list, I was destroying a healthy, happy mommy who was supposed to create a healthy happy baby. And how can I imagine that I was becoming the ‘selfless’ mommy??

This is the GREAT mommy mistake. So, all mommies, who havent got this 'enlightenment' yet and feel guilty when you are sick that you cant take care of your little one, always remember this one

Golden Rule:

------------

Healthy happy mommies make healthy happy babies. So if you want to make sure you always see your babies smile, make sure to put yourself in your priority list without feeling guilty, or in the long run, you WILL  REALLY REALLY feel guilty....

and with that.............

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO all those naive mommies, who forgets to eat, bathe , and think about their life , just because you dont have TIME for yourself, and you are too busy looking after your baby.

Just remember for a tree to spread out, the roots must be watered and looked after...

Got to go... mine is screaming calling ‘maaammma’....Oh I forgot, I have to eat

[caption id="attachment_479" align="alignnone" width="300"] tired grumpy mother[/caption]

Hello world!

Welcome to Wordpress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

Insanity on the way.....

Now a days when I type http://360.yahoo.com what do I get?

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)

Access denied to "360.yahoo.com" according to:
- Code of Business and Ethics and Conduct and
- Monitoring the usage of systems and services

This page is categorized as: "Adult/Mature Content;Social Networking"

If you wish to question or dispute this result, click here

“Adult Content?”- huh???? so, 360.com is equivalent to porn sites? Didnt know that!

…But I didn’t wish to question or dispute “that” result and I didn’t click “there”…

So, living with all such disputes, I am still logging onto y360… for how long, is the question. I don’t have internet at home, because after spending 10 hrs in front of computer my conscience didn’t want to spend another 6 hrs again in front of it. Some how, I am popping thru a dummy URL, now.

I think soon that too will be categorized as “Adult URL?”

Anyway, life is buzzing around me that mostly I have no idea about days and nights. Sun sets here at 3:30pm, now. And my poor Indian logic hasn’t grasped Daylight Saving Time concept yet! I look at sky, it is dark and I think “oh, it’s already night”. Then I look at my watch only to find that it is only 4:30 pm! It is baffling. You have to be born and brought up in sunny India to understand that contradiction! However hard I try to find logic in it, I CANT accept that.

Another winter problem is that mostly I lose sensation in my face. I can protect every other part of my body in layers and layers of winter clothes. But hello, what about face? Especially my nose. As it is the first thing protruding in my face, it receives all the cold wind first! And most of the time it turns blue and starts bleeding and I don’t even “feel” it!

Another thing I can’t bear now is the stormy nights! At night, all I can hear is the wind howling thru the double-glazed windows. It very much scares me. If we are in a car, then I can feel, the car swaying in wind.

How many times I say “ I hate winter” , I don’t know.. but when my friends say “ the worse is coming up in January”, I dread winter more…

The one good thing happened this winter is I FINALLY learned swimming. I had to have one-to-one sessions with my instructor, along with comments from him like “don’t do ballet dancing in water, Swathi”, (which I didn’t appreciate much, as he doesn't know that my "whatever" dancing skills are well below level zero!) . Still it was worthwhile. I don’t know if ‘swim’ is the right word for what I do in water, because it more or less looks like “dog-paddling”. [Again, he told me that!] Still, on a positive note, I can move forward in water. And that itself makes me feel good! However hard he tries to say that I am not swimming properly, I know I am moving forward! He cant break my spirit, and it definitely has got nothing to do with his looks!

Work? I better not mention about it, because one day I even lost my way to my seat. I walked around for a while, before I could figure out where I was sitting for the past 2 yrs!

….and yesterday I told my manager that I think I am losing my mind. And he looked at me for a second, paused, smiled and said “I think, so too…”

How about that?

Still... no complaints....

"tujhse naaraz nahin zindagi
hairaan hoon mein..."

This thing and that thing...

Life can be pretty boring, eventful or as it happens to be in my case nowadays- very close to disastrous. I bungee-jump into every new venture with the hope of it becoming exciting, but some how mysteriously ends up with terrible results. I don’t remember exactly when this kind of things started happening, but I can guarantee it used to be very normal before my 30^th birthday.

The earliest I can remember started with the new, much hyped shopping centre in our town centre. With over 50 shops (most of them, branded designer ones) in four levels, it was supposed to be the heaven for women shoppers in Midlands. Or so I thought. The first week, I was awe-stricken when I couldn’t move through the shopping centre without pushing (and being pushed by) others. The second week came and things were not so good. I had to wait at each traffic-light for 25 minutes, before I could move an inch to the next one. And this happened for four consecutive lights, when I found myself nearing snapping point. But things had just started to begin. After spending more than one hr waiting at four junctions (25 mts at each), I reached the parking lot that boasted to have 1000 slots. And what do I see? All the 1000 slots are occupied. Not even that, even the spaces reserved for TESCO delivery vans, which are in prohibited area are full with private cars. I can’t even see the footpath because of the cars parked in it whose two wheels are on it and the other two on the road. I was shocked and started sweating profusely. I didn’t know what to do. It is not like in India. You can’t park anywhere you like. I am already driving alone with my provisional license, and if I violate one more rule, my full Irish license will be just a distant dream!

I can’t do anything but go round and round the parking lot, till I get a space. I went to the extreme end of the lot and started hunting for space, only to realise that I am not rude or fast enough to compete with other space-hunters like me. One second I saw the space and the next second I didn’t. After spending another 15 minutes burning another litre of petrol to find a parking space, I thought of the possibility of finding a slot, 2 kms away. I went there parked and then walked 2 kms through the bone-chilling wind. The usual 10-minute drive to town has now turned into a gruelling one-hour pain-staking journey. Thanks to the new shopping centre! They say it is bringing a lot of business to Athlone, but did anyone think about the normal people who are already living in Athlone?
*********************************************************************
According to me, I was/am leading a life over-working, under-nourished and under-privileged. I remembered waking up, dressing, working and nothing else. Gone were the days of reading books. Some days I didn’t even wash my face or brush my hair. I didn’t give it a thought till I saw something different in my friend’s hair. The previous day when I last saw her, her hair was blonde. The next morning, she was a brunette! My first thought was I might be going bonkers with over-working. But then, I went to her, touched her hair and made myself sure that I was not dreaming. No, I was not nuts. She did colour her hair burgundy, had a nice cut and was looking fabulous! I touched my greasy hair and tried to remember the last time, it saw the comb.

Only after confirming the appointment for my hair, the next day did I touch my hair again.
Mary Shine usually has very busy days and usually I may have to wait minimum 1 hour to get my haircut. May be due to the cold grey morning, this Saturday she had only me as the client. I was happy because she took longer time with my hair. For me, that meant perfection, again, so I thought. I am usually cool with haircuts. After all, it is hair and it always grows back. But this time, due to my lucky stars, I am always for a surprise.
After 20 minutes, what do I see? A very unattractive, extremely repelling and freaky version of Demi Moore, in the film ‘Ghost’!. No offence, I have always admired her hair-cut in it. Because of her sharp features, it suited her a lot . But that was Demi and this was me. There are only just a handful of women who can carry a very short haircut with grace. Demi Moore, Princess Diana and Priyanka Gandhi. There may be more, but these are all I know. And everyone had the most elegant facial features – sharp nose, long elegant neck and prominent cheek bones, that make them look so feminine even with the boyish cut. And what do I see in the mirror now!

A blunt piggy nose, stubby neck and no cheeks trying to give company to a “Demi Moor-ish haircut”. And one more thing. A double-chin-in-progress is also smiling back at me.

“How is it?”, Mary Shine seems happy with her work.

“Great” – calm down! Remember? Hair always grows back. Its just hair. She didn’t operate your face or anything! On a positive note, now the hair will look the same whether I run a brush through it or not.

My husband didn’t tell that he was shocked. He took one loooong and silent look at me and thought for a while before telling,
“hmm… the only difference is that now you are handsome, instead of beautiful”.
Huh…What does that mean?
“When we go to India with this look, your parents will be happy that finally they have a son. And now, I am happy that I have a male-friend instead of a wife. Oh, it is so good to live with a man now, for a change!”

So what… I don’t look feminine any more. My husband thinks he is now living with a man. Somehow or other he always ends up addressing me as “he”- which he says is completely unintentional! And my sanity-restoring-mantra is “Its just hair. Hair always grows back”!

A song worthy of all the tears.....

The one that made me cry all day......

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Song Name: Maa - Taare Zameen Par

Album Name: Taare Zameen Par

Singer Names: Shankar Mahadevan,

Lyricist Name: Prasoon Joshi

Music Director: Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani, Loy Mendonca

Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin Par Andhere Se Darta Hoon Main Maa Yun To Main,Dikhlata Nahin Teri Parwaah Karta Hoon Main Maa Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na Maa Tujhe Sab Hain Pata,,Meri Maa Bheed Mein Yun Na Chodo Mujhe Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Maa Bhej Na Itna Door Mujkko Tu Yaad Bhi Tujhko Aa Naa Paoon Maa Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa Kya Itna Bura Meri Maa Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe Jo Zor Se Jhoola Jhulate Hain Maa Meri Nazar Dhoondhe Tujhe Sochu Yahi Tu Aa Ke Thaamegi Maa Unse Main Yeh Kehta Nahin Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa Chehre Pe Aana Deta Nahin Dil Hi Dil Mein Ghabraata Hoon Maa Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa Maa Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Meri Maa Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin Par Andhere Se Darta Hoon Main Maa Yun To Main,Dikhlata Nahin Teri Parwaah Karta Hoon Main Maa Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na Maa Tujhe Sab Hain Pata,,Meri Maa

There is a first time for....

So, what is the big deal? It will be just like your first day in school. You don’t have to worry. You will be fine.

But what if I couldn’t learn it like others. What if the instructor asks me to quit and go home? What if I can never learn it in my life? What if I fail?

But you learned driving and cycling. This will be just like that. You just keep calm.

Ok. I am keeping my calm. O God! Please help me conquer this fear. This is very important for me, please help me learn it. I am desperate to learn this.

Remember, keep your calm. Breathe.. ok. Breathe. Hooooooo…..

I am not scared. There is nothing to worry. Everything will be fine.

Jacuzzi relaxes me. Gushing hot water massages every tired joint in my body. Wow! I think I will sleep in the Jacuzzi. Its 7:55 pm. Only 5 more minutes. Will I be the only person who doesn’t know anything? Will there be others like me who are totally scared?

Ok, instructor came. No, I don’t want to get out of Jacuzzi. I don’t want to go to the pool. I don’t want to drown myself. But then how will I overcome this fear? I have to do this.

I walk out of Jacuzzi, shower and go to him.

“Are you the one going to take swimming class?”

“Yes.”

“But, I am so scared of water. I am absolutely terrified”

“Don’t worry, you will be fine”

“Will I be?”

“Yes. Trust me”. He smiles. He is handsome.

God, first I need to learn to trust this “Handsome Hal”. I can’t even trust him.

Learn to trust him, Swathi. Learn to trust him. Your life is in his hands for one hour.

“Do, you want to hop into the water or do you want to walk through the steps”

Hop into the pool? No way!! Thanks, I will walk.

Water is really cold. It is 2 deg C outside. Usually the water is much more warm. I am shivering. I just have to get used to the temperature of water. Breathe… swathi.. breathe…take long breaths.

We all have this blue floating-aids. Its just a small square piece of sponge. That’s all. Will that really hold my weight?

“Now, among you guys, who are all absolutely scared of water?”

My hand shoots up. May be he will give me a life jacket, now. (!)

No. He didn’t. ‘Handsome Hal’(aka HH) just smiles. Why is he smiling always, when I am terrified?

“Now, the first lesson - be comfortable in putting your face under water. Open your eyes while doing that”

What! Putting my face under water? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I can’t do it. I will die.

HH, asks everybody to do it. Everybody is doing it fine. HH is looking at me.

“Now you, Swathi”. I cant. I will die, if I do it.

“It will be fine. Trust me Swathi”

Trust you? How I can I trust you. I don’t even know you.

“Now, try it, Swathi”

Blank your mind. Let it go. Even if you die, HH will be arrested. It will be his entire fault.

There is nothing in my mind for one second. I take my breath, put my face down, inside the water and push myself into it. No. No. This is not what I expected it to be. I am drowning. Where is he? I grab HH’s arm, as hard as I could. I lose my balance and can’t feel my feet on the floor, anymore. I am hanging on to him. I cant breathe. I gasp harder and grab on to him, more. My life depends on him now. He is dear to me than anything else in the world at that moment(!). I open my mouth for breath and drink pool water instead of air. Water goes inside my mouth, nose and my ears go pop, as they fill with water. Great! Now I cant even hear what he is telling me to do. I am going to die.

“Its OK. You can hold on to me. I am here for you, swathi. I am here”

Seconds pass. I cant breathe. I cough and gasp hard.

“I wont leave you. You can hold on to me”

No, still I cant breathe. I gasp harder. The entire pool is echoing with my gasp.

“Its ok. Take it slowly. Slowly. Don’t be nervous, You can hold on to me. I am not leaving you”

Great! I am creating a big drama here. Every body is looking at me. I am kicking and gasping while holding on to him.

“Are you ok?”

What do you think? Can’t you see? Didn’t I tell you, that I would die.

After one minute or so, I can breathe again. I leave my hold on him.

Came back sheepishly to poolside. As expected, made a big fool of myself. Great! Now everyone knows that I am truly a big loser in swimming .

Next it is trying to float. I copy HH when he shows me how to float. Surprisingly I am floating effortlessly with my face under water. How can it be? Last time I was gasping for air. I come back to the lady near me and ask her “How did I float? Did he hold me?” She smiles. “Yes, he held you. But its OK, you did well”. Yea, I did well(!). Along with floating aid, if ‘Handsome Hal’ holds me, I can float anyway. God! Will I ever do this thing myself?

Next it is pushing in to the water and kicking. No, I can’t kick inside water. I am going down. I am kicking vertically where I have to kick horizontally. But I am not going horizontally at all. Again, HH comes to help. He holds my floating aid and guides me.

“Excellent. See it’s not as bad as it seems to be”

I know I am pathetic. Don’t try to make me feel good. Without holding on to you, I can’t even float!

The lady near me says, ”You are doing great! By the end of six classes you will be swimming”

I ask her “How do you do the pushing into water, so elegantly, not even without a splash!”

“Don’t compare with me. I already know swimming. I joined the class to swim properly” she winks!

Great! Now, I know why I am kicking and gasping and holding on to ‘Handsome Hal’ for dear life, while all others are so smooth!

Now HH wants to throw the floating aid away and go into water. OK
, This time, I really am going to die. He says, “Trust me. I will hold you”. I try. But, I go down. He makes me try again. He is asking me to look into his knees to have my chin position correct. I am frantically searching for his knees underwater. Where are his goddamn knees! Using one of my legs, I push the wall and use that force to move half way through water. In that force, I push HH away who was ready to hold me and he gets hit hard by me.

“whoooooaaa!” I can hear him, yell. I knocked him down!

Great! There is a saying in Malayalam * “onnukil aasaante nechanthu, allengil kalarikku purathu”. I think that saying is written clearly for me. If I am not drowning and gasping, I will be knocking down my instructor!

Some how, one hour is over. Finally I can breathe air instead of water now. HH says, “Practice with floating aids, till next Monday. Be in the pool as long as you can. You were all excellent”. Yea, if I wasn’t there, everyone was excellent!

NOTE: If any body has kids who haven’t learnt swimming yet, please, please, I beg you to teach them. If not, as an adult, they are prone to make a big fool of themselves by trying to learn.

* Its about the martial art , Kalari. The literal meaning is [as a worst student of Kalari ] you will perform Kalari either on your teacher’s chest, or outside the place where it is supposed to be done”. (I am not very good in translation. so, please bear with me)

Latest update: I went for aqua aerobics(yes, the same old one!), yesterday . HH was the instructor for that too. Susannah told me that she and HH were discussing about me all the while before I came. I didn't dare to ask her what they discussed. (can imagine!). When I saw the raised eyebrows of HH, I told him why I was terrified of water ( a very frightening experience in a 6 ft deep pool, 5-6 yrs back, in India). He told me "You were the only true beginner, in yesterday's class. Rest of the guys knew swimming"... Phewww!




Hubby's comment(he came yesterday): When I started learning swimming, I drank so much of water that my friends had to make me lie on my stomach and squeeze all the water out. And it happened a lot of times. You are much better Swathi, that you didn't stoop into that level.

***Now, I know why I love this man. He has a knack of making me feel better out of any embarrassing situation***




My conclusion: I am not that bad. I really AM not!