Great Expectations !

Every parent in Kerala, cherish a dream. Their kid should become either an IT professional (cream of Indian society!) or a Doctor with at least a PG. In most families while one parent desires to make the kid a doctor, another one desires to make him an IT professional. I am 100% sure that no one ever cares to ask the kid about, what he wants his career to be (even when he comes to 12^th class).

My case was also no different. When I was a kid, mom wanted me to become a doctor (though I got the least marks in Biology!) and my dad wanted me to become either an IAS officer (ohhh!!! he dreamed a lot !!!!) or an engineer (at that time, IT /comp science were not popular). I think he wanted an electronics engineer out of me. My secret wish was to take English/Malayalam literature for post graduation and take Phd or do research in it and become a famous literature socialite. (LOL, a thoroughly doomed dream!!) Anyway no one asked me about it, so it died anonymously inside me. OK, I didn’t have the courage to tell this to my parents either!!

When I was in 10^th, God helped me from NOT being a Doctor (many peoples lives must have been saved!). After my 10^th exam, one day, my mom’s hand got cut and I took her to a near by hospital. There, while the nurse was dressing her wound, and blood flowed from it profusely, there was a loud “thump” sound!! And they all saw me lying fainted in the floor. I was admitted to hospital and mom was asked to look after me (with her bandaged hand!). That was a stark, practical realization for my mom that her “kid-would-become-doctor” dream was shattered into pieces!

It took months for my mom to accept that her dream won’t work with me “practically” with my mindset. So, naturally the other choice was the only way for them…yea, an engineer. Next 2 yrs were grueling period for me. My weight dropped from 55 kg to 47 kg. My fainting sessions frequency increased. And my tuition masters asked my dad, NOT to give me so much emotional pressure. (I realized its extent, when they began to narrate my fainting saga to my juniors…one of them came and told me that she knows me as the girl, who faints in classes!!!)

Actually the emotional pressure that I got from my parents was simple ---“We chose to have only one baby cos, we wanted to raise u like queen (yea, it was true!). We provided you with more than your father could afford (again true, my father was just an ordinary government clerk). We both live ONLY on ur expectation. If you let us down, our whole hard work of 17 yrs, will come to an end! We will be no better than dead! “

My parents rented a house near my college and tuition centers for my uninterrupted studies. My tuition session started at 5:30 AM in the morning, and I reached home at 9:30 PM, after 5 subject tuitions. (OK, I was not alone; there were 100’s of ordinary government officer’s daughters and sons, along with me!!).

At that time (11 yrs back) there were only 2 engg colleges under Kerala University (now there are more than 50). One thing my dad told me clearly is that, he cant “buy” me a management seat, in any self-financing engg colleges, simple cos he DIDN’T have money (He had taken 3-4 loans, at that time. We didn’t even have a home on our own!) The main problem was that I was always aware of my parent’s financial crisis, which made me indebted to them more than anything.

Anyway, I got thru engg entrance with 595^th rank, in the entrance exam. I had 93% in 10^thclass, 84% in 12^th class, and 77% BTech (all with distinction)---my cousins think I am a “geek”. They don’t know what all my parents DID to make a “geek” out of me. Many people around me, including some of my relatives and ex-classmates find, some “extra-ordinary”, “strange” reasons for my academic behavior! (Ok, thankfully those don’t include, cheating!)

Fruits ripen with time, by the due course of nature. But certain fruits are “ripened” artificially. They look the same, but tastes different. I am an artificially ripened fruit. My dad gave me a career. I am so thankful to him, for showing me a way to live independently. Now, I need /want my IT job to earn bread (cos I don’t know any other job!).

But sometimes I am unable to take a decision---which is right? To do what ur heart wants, w/o any logic (and of course w/o any bread!),

OR to do what ur brain says with logical reason?

Currently I am going with my brain. (cos I want to live, and for that I need money!)

But later, I will change my course. May be then my dad and mom, will forgive me!