When you grow up alone!

Last time when I wrote something personal (being a single child ) one of my ex-classmates told me that I am crossing limits as a person. She was worried (??) that others may think of me being a “problem child”. But it never prevented me from writing what I am/was.

Now, today we had a function at home. My grand dad’s death anniversary. As we have a lot of cousins in my family, now there’s a whole new generation of my cousin’s kids, who are cousins among themselves. In the first generation, only I was the single kid. When I was 4 or 5, I had heard my dad’s mom saying to my dad, that he MUST have one more baby, in case I was dead (ohh..she thot abt my death, first?).

The funny thing was that she said this sentence in my presence. My dad didn’t even listen to it, cos he didn’t answer her. Now I went and told amma, this dialogue of my grandma. I asked her “Why is grandma worried abt my dad, when I am dead? Why isn’t she worried about me, as I will be the one going to die, anyway?”. I don’t remember what mom told me in return.

Now, in the second generation, there is only one kid, who is single. And her mom (my cousin) says, she wants her to raise her , like my parents did (my parents didn’t do any magic, either!). I asked her “Are you crazy? Are you not in this world? A single kid, will never develop socializing skills, if she is going to be alone (ok, I didn’t say it in her kid’s presence!). But they think I am lying…they think (both her mom and dad) that I have all the good things that I can have in my life (I don’t deny it, but there are certain things which are above physical goods).

What I lack is:

1[[1]Socializing never come to me automatically. I developed it thru hard work and conscious effort thru a lot of yrs…(actually after getting a job!).

2[[2]I used to have difficulty in facing relatives, when they came home. I hid myself behind doors, to escape them. My mom used to drag me out.

3[[3] I didn’t know, what “sharing” meant, until I went to hostels…

4[[4]I took me years to adapt myself with ppl of different natures (w/o hurting or getting hurt). I think even now, I have this problem.

5[[5]I usually expect things to go smoothly…when unexpected problems come, I freeze…I don’t know how to fight thru a problem and then to find a solution.

6[[6]I cant take harsh words or scolding from others as part of life. (which is changing, now)

7[[7]I am a late-bloomer, in all things!

…and the list goes on..

I found that this cousin’s kid is very shy and never even answer a single question, if we ask her anything (she is 9 yrs old). She just goes and hides behind her mom’s back. (which was exactly what I used to do!). she never plays with other kids, wont even talk to her own grandma. She is safe and sound in her own world (mostly indoors!). But her parents seem to be proud that she is behaving so (!). They say its her “independence”…oh…man its not independence... Its called “seclusion”!!!

My parents realized the “seclusion” that I made out of myself, only very recently.  My husband communicates with them more than I do. He spends hours talking to them (only then they realized, kids can have communication with parents LOL!). He asked me “Why is it so, that in ur home, ppl wont talk to each other?” I asked him “Why in ur home, ppl talk and interfere with each other too much?” LOL …that was the main difference…communication...

After 10 years in different hostels and 2 jobs, I taught myself to socialize “forcefully”. Now, even b4 meeting my husbands colleagues, I take a deep breath and go, as if I am going to attend a very important interview…LOL. No one notices my plight cos, I am so well in doing that “mock-interview”.

I hope that kid wont grow up into a weak, unsocializing, selfish, easily-hurt, oversensitive person. Cos I learned it thru hard way (thanks to all my hostel-mates!!!!). But will she get my chance??

NOTE: Pls don’t think that I am in the making of a book -“How to raise perfect kids?” LOL ..We are having family functions for past 4-5 days and I watch all these kids, (almost 7 of them, of different ages) everyday, which made me write this! I try to play with them too, though they don’t believe, my age! LOL

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