..and they decided!!!!

This is again in reply to Priya’s blog about ‘who should decide’. This may help some young women or their parents who is yet to have an arranged marriage.

 

The year was 1998. I wasn’t even 21, when a serious marriage proposal came to my parents, for me.  They didn’t have plans to marry me off, then cos I haven’t completed my BTech and my dad didn’t have money planned for it. This came thru one of our staff member, who taught us in engineering college. It was for his close relative’s son. The guy was a single son (with a younger sister), who did his Btech in Comp.Science from  Trivandrum Engineering college, and was working in Microsoft (!), US. He was 27/28 then.

 

My parents told that they are not interested. But his parents called us, every day. Finally my parents told me about it. At that time, I was on the verge of a break up (which my parents wasn’t aware of), and I was looking for an escape route at any cost. But soon things got pretty fast. Within one week, I heard that the guy was coming to India (for his marriage, of course!). And one fine morning, his parents and his school-going sister came to my home, to see me. Now, honestly, I didn’t know the seriousness of the situation till then.

 

His mom and his sister became too close to me. They told me dialogues like “you are the best girl, my son can ever get” and “After marriage, you should do this and that..etc”. They even asked me if I had any existing love affair in case, they could leave me alone with my own wish. Now these experiences were something brand new for me. (remember, I was just 20). I was wondering, how I would take care of his son,(whom, I haven’t seen at all!!!) as they were asking me that again and again.

 

The next week, one fine morning, the guy came to my house along with his family. It was on a Saturday. On Monday I was having the University Exams for that semester. He came and sat in our drawing room and I noticed that he didn’t even look at me. His mom and sis were all over me, again and made me feel like I was the only girl in this earth! They gave me a lot of gifts, from US, including sweets and Parker pens! But I didn’t give them ‘tea’, (like we see in films!!). Then the inevitable happened. We were asked to talk alone!!!  I was so excited about this whole thing, like I feel while I was attending an exam and waiting for the result. I wasn’t tensed, just too curious, about the turn of events, suddenly in my life.

 

He : I liked the name Swathi, its so sweet.

Me: -----

He: I wouldn’t have come to see you, if I haven’t liked you.

Me:-----

He: Do you speak fluent English?

Me: I speak OK, that’s all!

He: I plan to come back to India from US, after 3 yrs. What ur opinion on that?.

Me: What should I say? Whatever is your decision, you should do. I just want to complete my projects and assignments!! (That was the only thing worrying me, then!) Will you help me, in finishing the project?? **What a romantic question***

He: what are your hobbies?

Me: I read…that’s all…nothing much.

He: I do rock climbing, skiing, skydiving, paragliding, and all kind of adventure sports. Do you mind joining me, in that, after marriage?

Me: but I don’t know all these…and I want to submit my project in time.

He: -----

He: did you like me?

Me: you are OK.

*** end of intvw***

 

The next thing that happened gave me the biggest shocks in my life. I was engaged!!!

After they went, my dad went to an astrologer and took the date for my (!!) marriage and booked a hall and even gave orders for printing cards.(all that happened within 3 hrs!)

 

Then…only then…I got the cold feet. I felt dizzy. My head started spinning. No…I cant do this…I cant marry….its not the guy….I am not prepared for marriage now. I felt that I am being suffocated. I felt like vomiting and my vision was getting unclear.

 

Soon I started crying loudly. I told amma that I don’t want this marriage. Amma told “don’t tell me. Tell this to your dad”. I told dad “achaaa……….pls I don’t want this marriage. I will die”. He asked me why. My problem was that I didn’t have an answer. Only one thing was crystal clear in my mind that if I get married then, I will be doomed. I felt like a chicken getting ready to get killed!

 

That night my dad did the worst thing that only a dad can do. He did emotional blackmailing combined with brainwashing to the extreme! From the moment, he saw me first as a newborn baby, he told me about his hopes and aspirations on me and my life and how today I was going to spoil every dream of him.[this is what I say  10000 times, that will happen to a single-kid!!] He talked to me that whole night. Finally at 4am in the morning, as epilogue, he told me “if you don’t agree to this marriage, you will see only my dead body!!!” OK…that was it….I was ready for that marriage.

 

Next morning, (Sunday) dad got a phone call. It was from the guy’s home. Soon he went there. When he came back, he told me “that guy broke the engagement”. Reasons he told his parents who inturn told my dad:

1)      I was too young for marriage, as I told him only about semester projects.

2)      I didn’t know rock climbing, paragliding, and skydiving.

3)      I wasn’t a modern girl, with an independent attitude or opinion.

 

I didn’t know whether to cry or to laugh… I wondered what my dad would do, now? Will he kill himself, like he told me last night? But its true effect was not on my dad. It was on my mom. She didn’t get up from her bed for one whole week.

 

And me: I took the next bus to my hostel, and without studying anything, wrote the university paper next day. Astonishingly, I got 93% on that paper, though I can swear I didn’t write anything. I still believe that, it was due to an error in the valuation.

 

 

Footnote1: He got married after some months to a girl working as s/w enggr. One of my ‘well-wishing close’ relative called my mom at 6 am in the morning to tell her this hot news, she got! LOL!!!!

 

Footnote2: After some days, the senior staff member called me in his cabin and cried in front of me, begging to accept his apologies!!! And I had to tell him “Sir, dont cry, it is OK”!

 

Footnote 3: 2 days back Amma was telling this to my hubby in a careful manner. I told her “Amma, don’t be so polished. I have told him, all and he kids me that I should have been in Microsoft, now…LOL”